But yeah if I used that money to buy Christmas gifts for people that I wouldn't be the ungrateful selfish cripple bastard that people like to remind me I am all the time. If any of my relatives are reading this, I'm being sarcastic, I know you don't hate me... most of the time!
Anyways that paragraph above was rambling on and incoherent, just like the movie I watched last night taking me back to my original point. Yes, this movie came out in 2003, and yes all the cool people that think they're cool for liking it, have already blown up social media and created a thousand memes about it, but man is this movie fanfuckingtastic! It's called The Room, and stars some crack head named Tommy Wiseau... Here's a picture of him with Kris Jenner I found for some reason.
When I was researching it, one film professor called it the Citizen Kane of terrible movies and man is he right! I have no idea how this got made, how it cost $6 million to make when I could have shot a better movie on a couple of iPhones, and big boobs mcgee and stoney beroni could of written a better script when they were at one their shows doing party favors, but yeah somehow it got made for $6 million, and I highly recommend you see it as soon as possible. My description will not do it justice, but I'll write about some of the highlights. First of all, the guys who wrote, produced, directed, and starred in it based it off a 500 page play/book he wrote which shockingly never got produced. Not really sure how he came up with this money to make it, literally no one knows. His friends claim it was from his real estate development business, but judging by the way he looks and acts, I'm guessing drug dealing and sex trafficking. Yes, so highlights include: At one point the girlfriends mom just randomly throws in a conversation that she has breast cancer, and her daughter tells her just to forget about it. For some reason four of the guys in the movie are dressed in tuxedos one day with no explanation as to why, and they randomly decided to go outside to start throwing around a football with each other in their tuxedos.This random couple shows up at the main characters apartment, with no explanation as to how they know the main characters, and just so they could bone in their apartment everyday. There are literally two, yes two sex scenes that use the same film footage and cheesy porno music, and they guy is clearly fucking the girl's belly button. Also for some reason it's randomly raining in these sex scenes when it had been sunny outside minutes before, and there is also random flowers used in theses scenes for some reason. At the end the main character kills himself, but for some reason before he does this he starts humping the dress of his ex girlfriend that just left him for his best friend. Also, right before he kills himself, he hears his girlfriend and best friend saying they don't like him anymore and they're going to ditch him for each other. However, after he kills himself , the best friend calls the girl a whore and says he no longer wants to be with her. Well that changed fast within literal minutes! Also for some reason, she gets him drunk and lies and telling everyone that he hit her while he was drunk. The next day he goes storming up to the rooftop of his building, yelling, "Lying bitch, I did not hit her!" And then suddenly, he sees his best friend, and just goes, "Oh hi Mark" and the two never talk about why he said that. Also, one day Mark and him go to a random coffee shop and after he tells Mark that he can't talk about the new client he got for the bank he works at, he just randomly blurts out, "So how's your sex life?" Before Mark gives a real answer, he just up and leaves. I'm starting to understand why he is screwing your girl. There is plenty of other great moments, but I don't have time to describe every aspect of a 90 minute movie. Don't worry for some reason I will pay the $12-15 it is going for on Ebay for some reason, to get the DVD which I would happily watch with you upon request.
Rumor has it, fuck you Adele. Now that song will be stuck in my head, but yeah anyway... Rumor has it the brilliant mind behind this movie also wanted his character to be a vampire, but somehow they talked him out of it.He also supposedly fired several actors and actresses, probably the best thing that has happened to them, built several sets that did not need to be built, and filmed the movie with two different types of film, which required two film crews to help him to make this movie. So yeah, that is why I'm guessing it costs $6million to make. He also had a giant billboard up on a main street in Hollywood for five, yes five years advertising the movie. For some reason he also put his home phone number on the billboard so after you went and saw the movie, you could call him and tell him what you thought of it. I could only imagine how brutal that had went!I would look up the number, but I don't trust myself in what to do with it if it actually still works. I forgot to throw this in, but besides his girlfriend lying about being pregnant with the explanation of it will make things more interesting when she breaks up with him. Right before that, without explanation as to who he is or even what his name is, this random guy walks in the apartment and finds the girlfriend cheating on the main character with his best friend. Supposedly this character confronting this cheating hoe, had to be written in with no explanation because the character in the movie that the scene was original written for, ran out of time to film the scene, because he did not want to quit his regular job. Probably the best fucking decision that guy ever made!
But yeah because they are just as fucked up as me, James Franco, his brother Dave, and Seth Rogen have made a movie about this movie called The Disaster Artist. James Franco fucking nails his performance as the main character in the movie. This movie looks awesome, and I'm dying to see it when it comes out to most movie theaters this friday. It is supposedly so good that it is also getting some serious Oscars buzz. I watched an interview with the Franco brothers and Seth Rogen and besides making the movie sound even more awesome, they guy from the original movie The Room has a cameo at the end. Don't worry he called James Franco to get his approval for the glasses he wears,in the scene that he is in along with the mustache he drew on with a sharpie, I shit you not!Supposedly he is working on a script about gay porn stars with a $20 million budget. Which I'm sure will get made any day now, the funny part is that James Franco and Seth Rogen said they would be down for being in it, and based on what a fantastic movie The Room is, I can't blame them! So maybe I'll go out twice next weekend because I can't wait to watch The Disaster Artist. "YOU"RE TEARING ME APART LISA!" Look it up assholes, it's the best part of The Room... Until then watch out for Muppet aids!
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