And she's back

Yupppp, Gimpy is back and her curse has already taken effect on me. Originally in my last blog post I wrote something weird/bad was bound to happen since she was taking me to the Mets game last night, and sure enough it did. How did I know? Because this chick is a walking, I mean gimping, disaster! Lets see in the last 3 years she's had a creepy stalker, lost part of her foot in a bad accident that had to be reattached, had more surgeries than I can count, got hand foot and mouth disease even though she is an adult and it generally only affects young children, fell of a 5 foot rock ledge in Spain, hurting her good foot, and has attended more funerals in the year that I've known her than I have in my entire life.  Sooo when she woke me up this morning to tell me that the van had two flat tires, and triple AAA came to put the donut on and that was also flat, was I surprised? Hell no! In her defense, she did tell me a light came on the dashboard when we were driving home. However, neither one of us knew what it ment and I couldn't exactly pull over on the Merritt Parkway in Greenwich at 11:30 at night. First of all, if your not familiar with our shitty highway system in CT the Merritt Parkway is pretty much a death trap. It is 2 lanes and half the exits you have to come to a complete stop when getting on or off the highway. If that isn't bad enough, there are hardly any street lights on the highway and it is surrounded by trees, so every year at least a few fall down, killing people driving by. There's also hardly any room to pull over, even the cops are rarely on that highway pulling people over. Therefore, if I did pull over at 11:30 on a Saturday night during 4th of July weekend, I can pretty much guarantee some drunk asshole would have plowed into us and most likely killed me and somehow Gimpy would have still survived. For the record, the Merritt Parkway is one of the deadliest highways in the United States, I'm not kidding, look it up! Plus what was I suppose to do? Spend the night in Greenwich with Gimpy while sleeping in my wheelchair? First of all, I'm way too poor for that. Second, Gimpy is so OCD about germs that she won't even sleep in my guest bedroom at my house even though she was here for 30 consecutive hours, never mind a random ass hotel room. Plus, I'm pretty sure every auto repair shop is probably closed til Tuesday because of the 4th of July. I could have done what I'm assuming the majority of my workers do, called a cab/uber and then once it dropped us off have Gimpy limp away and myself drive away as fast as possible without paying! Something tells me that wouldn't have worked anyways. My hand probably would have fallen off my controller, my head would have fallen down, and Gimpy would have probably gotten her Gimpy foot run over by me. Or injured her good foot somehow. Here's a picture of the cripple van even more crippled... don't worry this of course is all my fault and then my mom wonders why I want to move out. Go ahead and cut me off and try not to pay for overnight help and sell the van, see if I care because I'm tired of putting up with this bullshit! Poor Charlie will get blamed for everything when I'm not around.

 Oh yeah, I also found out why Gimpy won't eat at my house. She is afraid that my cats will lay on her food while she is eating... says the chick that has two dogs and a cat living in her house. My house is too dirty to eat in because my cats might get into your food, which for the record, they have never gotten into any of my workers food, but your animals are perfectly fine to eat in front of. That makes no sense. Chick needs a shrink. She can't eat, sleep, or poop in anyone else's house but her own, because she is such a germaphobe. Plus, while we were at the Mets game last night she decided to share with me out loud during the game that her aunt Flo came for her monthly visit and she didn't have anything to help with that so she had to shove paper towels down her pants! Yum, just what I was wanting to think about and picture while I'm eating dinner! So then she adds, well at least that means I'm not pregnant. Ewww Gimpy nobody wants to think about you having sex! On top of that, while she is making my lunch today she decided to tell me that she has to run to the bathroom because she might be bloody mary through all her clothes. SO FUCKING NASTY! Why can't she just be like everyone else that works for me and go to the bathroom without telling me why. Like seriously I don't need to know. Last Gimpy story, last night she scratched my hand with the metal part of my seat belt and yelled at me for complaining it hurt, but then when she was getting me ready for bed I scratched her arm by accident with my finger nail and then I had to listen to her complain about how much it hurt.

Then there was the annoying toll booth attendant on the way to the game and on the way home. I'm not kidding, Gimpy and I are 99% sure it was the same guy and he walked in front of the van each way as we were about to go through. Did he have a death wish? Also, was he like ooohh a cripple van let me keep running in front of it to see how quick they can stop and watch the disabled guy's head fall down. It gets better though, because on the way home, this asshole from California, or at least their license plate was from California, could not get their EZ pass to work at the toll. Gimpy and I were legit sitting behind this guy for 5 minutes. I made her angrily honk the horn three times, why? I don't know but it made me feel better for how annoying and stupid and slow he was. Of course, who comes walking over in front of the van to help him? Toll booth attendant that likes to play dodge the cripple van! And he was no help either. It took him more time to figure out how to get this car through the toll then if the guy just floored it and broke the gate. I'm surprised the guy in the car in front of us did not try that, he was so intelligent. When his EZ pass would not work, he tried to back out of the toll lane even though there was a line of cars behind us and when were about to go across the Whitestone Bridge. Um, dude you cannot back up in a toll lane. I am pretty sure there are signs and laws against it, especially in New York, plus they have tolls in California so I am pretty sure that they probably have those laws there too. Plus of course we would pick this lane to go through since Gimpy was driving haha! Here's a picture of the stupid asshole!