I took this quiz on Facebook and I found out that I got a perfect score. I don't know why I know what all these Yiddish terms mean but I guess I speak the language of the Jews, growing up in Cheshire CT will do that. Okay and the worker that helped me take it is also Jewish. But that's not the point, clearly I was paired with the wrong religion. I went to a bar mitzvah when I was thirteen, I even wore a yamikah. They even make Mets ones, I've seen people wearing them at the games! #JewPride
So I think I started drinking too much. You know its bad when the wife leaves this note on your bottle of Captain Morgan. Plus I'm pretty sure I snap chatted things I shouldn't have snap chatted. Good thing they delete after 10 seconds or so, but ya know I heard the NSA still can get access to them. The poor bastard that opens that up. Plus on Tuesday night I was trying to convince my worker to drive me to the casino at midnight. Somehow I ended up in the parking lot at Midstate medical center, don't know why I thought it was a good idea to go there. But my worker caught some great Pokemon on Pokemon go. From there we did a drive by of Gimpys house and honked the horn at 12:30 in the morning, you're welcome Gimpy's neighbors. I then believe I went to the truck stop in Southington before ending up at 7/11 in Cheshire. We then watched a movie on Netflix about a girl with OCD who worked at a hotel and laid under beds while guests were doing it and somehow this made her get into bondage and become a lesbian. Oh yeah, they spoke in German the whole time, did I mention I was eating ramen noodles with Cheeze-its and drinking apple juice? It made a lot more sense to me at the time. I finally stumbled into bed at around 4 am. Why did I wait until I was almost 31 to become an alcoholic. Besides the wife is moving to North Carolina in November, Gimpy and the mom up and peaced on me this week and the person I hired to replace them decided to text me at 1:00 am when they were supposed to be here at 9:00 to say they wouldn't take the job because they were "overwhelmed". Jesus I know I am good looking, but I didn't think it would be too overwhelming that girls couldn't work for me. Maybe it's just because I'm a raging asshole and piss every worker off who reads this. But between that, the wife moving, awkward turtle and big boobs, getting real jobs at the end of the summer I'm just fed up with trying to find people to help me 24/7. I heard the care in state run nursing homes is terrible and psych hospitals, but at least I know I would be miserable and never be happy so I wouldn't keep waiting for things to get better. See this is what happens when my mom cuts me off from gambling, I become a raging dunk asshole who nobody wants to help anymore. Here's the note:
Finally if you want some good comedic television watch the Republican National Convention, it's the only thing I've seen that's whiter than me and I feel like I am an Albino. The only black guy I saw there so far was assisting Bob Dole. Dude lost to Bill Clinton in '96 and is now 93 years old, getting brought up on stage by the one token black guy that was only there to help him. To further disrespect him, they were blaring music and talking in the background the whole time during his speech. But they have to drag his Viagra loving ass, yes he did a Viagra commercial, on stage because the bigger republican names want nothing to do with this years convention because of the human Cheeto, I mean Donald Trump, that they nominated for president. Seriously look at him and then you can probably figure out why the Bushes, senior and junior, and lets not forgot the reject brother Jed, Mitt Romney, John McCain and the governor of Ohio, ya know where the conventions being held, are all not in attendance. The governor of Ohio is so pissed because he lost to Trump and now he has to help organize the convention to nominate him. Sucks to be you bro but wipe the sand out of your mangina and suck it up. It's like I told the wife today, I give up everything you say is right everything you tell me to do is right, and where ever you want to go or not go is the correct place. Let's not forget Melania, not only did she flat out rip off Michelle Obama's speech from the 2008 Democratic National Convention but she dressed like Caitlyn Jenner to do it, but seriously look up her outfit and Caitlyns from the 2015 ESPY awards. See...?
Plus did anybody find it ironic that Trump wants to build a wall to keep out all the Mexicans and ban Muslims from living in the US yet I'm pretty sure his wife is deff not from this country because I can barely understand a fucking word that comes out of her mouth. Don't worry I hate Hilary too, and I will be writing a blog making fun of the DNC next week so far my vote is going to the fresh seafood CEO who keeps having commercials to vote for him for president during Red Sox games. Seems like a totally great idea.
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