Women's Wrestling

 
I know my titles are better and more catchy most of the time, but hey I'm working on it. Quick advice, if you want to watch something about wrestling and not feel like white trash, watch GLOW on Netflix. It's only 10 half hour episodes, and it's pretty funny and interesting at the same time. It's based on a real 80's wrestling show called The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling that was surprisingly popular at the time. Obviously, the show on Netflix is heavily dramatized and the comedy is played up for the show but I still like it. Plus, it features one of the girls from Community, which was a comedy show I loved, and comedian Marc Maron in two of the main roles.

 

I am a few weeks behind on Impact Wrestling, but I plan on catching up with Stoni Beroni tonight! I got to before I go see it in Bridgeport next Sunday. Plus, Alberto Del Rio aka Alberto El Patron had just become the Impact Heavyweight Champion, but now he is suspended. Fast version, him and his wife Paige (who I LOVE) just fire her already WWE, you haven't had her on TV in over a year, and her husband wrestles for Impact just let her go there! Anyway, his wife Paige and him got into a fight with some broad at the airport. Allegedly, according who you listen to, she assaulted Paige or Paige assaulted her, yet Alberto has still gotten suspended by Impact until the investigation is over. He wasn't even charged or arrested for anything, so I'm not sure why he is suspended. one more rant, Paige isn't even going to be on Total Divas this season, so Frozen this bitch already WWE and let her go, let her go! So yeah I gotta catch up on that.

 

I'm still only on season 1 on Netflix of Lucha Underground, which is surprisingly good! Maybe because it's only an hour long for each episode so they only have about three matches, but they guys and girls in it are really talented and fun to watch. Yeah most of the main event wrestlers are rejects from WWE or Impact, but I still find it entertaining! Sure, I don't like women fighting men in certain matches, and I don't like some of the cheesy Spanish soap opera style story telling, but the actual wrestling is phenomenal, even without AJ Styles... haha see what I did there! So yeah I give it four wheels up and recommend you checking it out!

 

Also, there is Ring of Honor or ROH as it's mostly referred to. I've heard good things about it and I even watched it once or twice when the Hardy's were there for a hot second after they left Impact and before they came to WWE. Again, it's only an hour long on TV, but I wasn't really into it. The young bucks are supposed to be the hot tag team I hear everyone talking about, but I didn't like them and they kind of seemed like assholes. And not entertaining assholes like The Miz, just annoying assholes like Big Cass or Kevin Owens. Yeah I hate them but I wish they would just go away! I've heard that Cody Rhodes is the ROH Champ though, he was really nice when I met him, and I find most of his matches high quality and entertaining, and one time when I was at a Q & A session with Bret Hart he said he thought Cody Rhodes is the best currently active wrestler. Also there is Dalton Castle who was fabulously flamboyant, who comes out with his Vegas Show Boys, yes boys, and chants "Boys, Boys, Boys." So if he is still around ROH, and Cody Rhodes is the champ, I might have to check it out again.

Anyways, here are my top 10 favorite wrestling entrance songs of all time. Again this is just my opinion, and there will be plenty of sarcastic asshole commentary! If you know me at all, then you know what #1 is. Sorry it's not a surprise at all! But here's the list bitches:

10. Shawn Michaels- Sexy Boy... yes I know he was a raging drug addicted/drunk/asshole when I was a kid, but I didn't know all this and I thought he was the shit! Sure he quit for a while because he lost his smile, but who hasn't! Just ask half the bitches that worked for me.. Unlike Shawn though, they never came back... HI BITCH FACE!!! But still I remember rolling around my house singing this triumphantly when he finally beat Bret Hart in that 60 minute Iron Man match to win the WWE Title. You know, between the singing of this song, the love of Broadway Musicals, and Clay Aiken, I'm shocked my parents didn't think I was gay growing up. Don't get butt hurt people there's nothing wrong with it, I'm just saying!

9. DX- Break It Down... Oddly, I liked the second version of DX. It's better than the Triple H and Shawn Michael's version in my opinion. I mean I was obsessed with this group, and was so upset when Triple H turned his back on them and broke them up. I had to take a break from watching WWE for a while because I was so pissed! Sadly, this is a true story... IT'S STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT!! I mean much like everything else, the song got ruined for me by cripple camp. You see one summer when DX was at its peak a bunch of us cripples were rolling around doing the DX Crotch Chop... Oh TV 14 WWE how I miss you! Anyway, it was all fun and games until I saw one of the kids do it in his birthday suit, and after that it was forever ruined for me, trust me if you saw it you would be traumatized too!

8. AJ Styles- Phenomenal... He's awesome, Impact and wherever he wrestled in Japan, are beyond stupid for letting him go. Seriously, Impact, this was one of the biggest superstars you made in your company and you let him walk. His matches are always some of the best of the night and the most fun to watch. His match at SummerSlam last year with John Cena was literally the greatest match I've seen in person. I don't care how stupid I sound go back and watch it on WWE Network, and tell me it wasn't! Yeah the only parts I know are "They Don't Want None" and "Ain't Nobody Breaking This Red Neck" but I mean it's a great song that will get stuck in your head.

7. EC3 aka Ethan Carter III- Trouble. What they all couldn't be WWE songs otherwise this list would be boring. Yes he went from bad guy to good guy and now he is bad again, but he is my favorite wrestler in Impact. I mean I don't like how craxy they have made him lately where he is literally talking about bleaching his asshole, and telling other wrestlers to eat his ass. But he is by far one of the best wreslters/characters in Impact and again one of the few besides AJ Styles that the company has come up with.

6. NWO- NWO theme song.. Granted I have been and always will be a WWE fan and they were always and will always be my favorite wrestling company. However, there was a time in the late 90's where WCW and the NWO were legit everywhere. I mean I would get jealous of the kids at school who had the NWO stuff and would do their signs and chant their sayings. It was bigger than wrestling and literally everywhere for a solid year or two. I mean I even knew girls then that wanted to be Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, or Hollywood Hogan. So even though I feel like a traitor for putting any WCW entrance music on here I gotta be honest. For a while I loved the NWO and would watch WCW as much as I watched WWE just to see what the NWO was up to.

5. CM Punk- Cult of Personality... Yeah I know this isn't an original wrestling theme song. But whatever it's a great song that will get stuck in your head. Also, I hate how WWE won't even talk about him now and gives him the Voldemort treatment from Harry Potter if you even mention his name. But, I do like the fact that WWE fans will still chant his name during a boring match or just to piss off Vince and Stephanie McMahon along with Triple H. Yeah he totally embarrassed himself when he tried to become a UFC fighter and lost in 90 seconds or possibly less, but that's what happens when you try to become a UFC fighter at the age of 36. Hopefully, one day him and WWE can make up despite his strong hatred for them right now. Plus he was my favorite wrestler when I got back into WWE in 2013... Christ, its been 4 years already?

4. Sasha Banks- Sky's the Limit... Not really my favorite active female wrestler in WWE, especially because I think she's about to stab my girl Bayley in the back! But she is talented and she does put on some pretty good matches. I thought she was hot until Stoni Beroni forever ruined her for me by showing me how Sasha is secretly bald. And trust me, it does NOT look good on her. I'll see if I could find the picture where her wig almost fell off in the ring, and you could see how far back her hairline was. Legit I hope it just fell out because she treated it or dyed it a million times, otherwise there is something horribly wrong with her! Anyways, her song s very catchy haha when Stoni Beroni was typing this she wrote "dong" instead of "song" You know if Sahsa had a dong, it would have explained why she is bald. Also, I believe her cousin is Snoop Dogg. So hopefully he helped come up with this catchy song. Don;t worry Sasha, I'd still hit it. It would definitely take a few hard drinks first, but still.

3. Hulk Hogan- Real American... yes he's an asshole. Yes he's ruined other people's careers to further his own. Yes he made a gross sex tape and then bankrupted the company that published it, because some billionaire who was mad at the same website for exposing that he was gay helped pay his legal fees. Watch the documentary on Netflix.. its good! And yes he was too creepily hands on with his daughter and his second wife looks just like her... But he is Hulk fucking Hogan. Everyone knows who he is, even my mom and grandma! He is a star even outside of wrestling and as cheesy and terrible and every 80's stereo type of wrestling this song is, it's still catchy. If you don't know it, kill yourself... But once you hear it, you will not get it out of your head!

2. Shinsuke Nakamura- The Rising Sun... Yes theres no words, and yes it's mostly just someone jamming out on the violin, but tell me this isn't a catchy song and it doesn't get stuck in your head after you hear it. You have to see Nakamura's entrance alongside it to truly give it justice. Just don't watch if you are epileptic. Not only does it look like Nakamura is having a seizure, but all the strobe lights will give you one. I'll admit at first I didn't get the hype around him, because I don't watch NXT a lot. And now that he is on Smack Down Live Stoni Beroni and I totally get it! I mean he's fucking awesome and he better beat John Cena on Smack Down next week because I much rather see him fight Jinder for the WWE Title. Truthfully, my guess is he will, but since he is feuding with Baron Corbin, I predict he will beat Jinder for the WWE Title at SummerSlam, only for Corbin to immediately cash in his Money in the Bank contract and win the title from Nakamura.

1. Bobby Roode- Glorious Domination... It's not often you know when your life has been changed forever, but I can mark the moment in time i first heard this wonderful piece of music and my life was forever changed. Granted I was with the ex wife and her annoying roommate, and half the time Stoni Beroni doesn't get it, and sadly most of the time I think I'm the only one who does. But god damn isn't it glorious!? Seriously listen to this song and tell me it doesn't get stuck in your head. Every time I hear it I get pumped and I'm inspired to do glorious things! I'm not kidding when I said this song needs to be played at my funeral. Also I totally planned on entering one of my comedy shows one day wearing a sequenced robe while one of my workers slowly spins my wheelchair ... Sure my entrance will take up 3 of the 5 minutes I have to perform, but it ill be OH SO GLORIOUS!! I tear up every time I hear it! Bobby Roode I liked you when you were on Impact, but now you are just so much more GLORIOUS. Please take your WWE debut at Summer Slam because that will be GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS, AND I KNOW YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS BECAUSE YOU WILL DO WHAT YOU MUST TO BE VICTORIOUS... GLORIOUS! If you don't get it, go fuck yourself and never read this blog again! until then here is a picture of me as my wrestling persona named Tyshawn 4-WHEELZ!

Crip Walkin', Trash Talkin', Handicapped Son of a Gun

I deleted all of this because I was mature and dropped the small claims case. However, I only did this hoping that this asshole would go on People's Court with me, or at the very least give my mentally disabled friend and I our $50 back...Haha! Wishful thinking. Since he keeps messaging me asking if I'll do one of his shows, that will be a cold day in hell, and keeps charging people $20-$30 a ticket for his crap shows, where I'm sure he still ripping off people who are new to comedy. I was smart and saved everything I wrote so I could repost it. Because I knew this piece of shit would never keep his word. The best part is that he still messages me the day of shows asking me to perform in New York City or Atlantic City, and bring 5-10 people at $20 a ticket, or more. Yeah, like anybody can realistically do that. He will post in CT Comedy Facebook groups looking for people at the last minute to perform on his shit shows. He really never gets a response, and when he does it's either from his cronies or comedians who aren't smart enough to know better yet. Just to prove I'm not lying, here's him messaging me on Sunday!

Again these are my opinions, and my opinions alone. I'm not going to personally attack anybody who is friends with, associated with, or engaged too this asshole... But I am gonna rip him a new one! I could get as mean as I did with bitchface, but there's no need to bring relatives, children, or loved ones into it. Theoretically, they did nothing wrong. Although, why they're associated with this piece of shit is beyond me. Maybe he has naked photos or videos of them and is threatening to release them if they disassociate from him. They're probably the same 10 people that come to all his shows for $20 bucks a ticket and leave as soon as he performs.... more on that later. I know if you're related to him it's not your fault, and I actually talked to his dad on the phone, and he's been smart enough to not be part of his life for 10 years. Surprisingly he also sounded like a nice guy, who told me he had three kids, I don't think Vinny Jr. was counted in that total, not surprisingly.

I FUCKING HATE VINNY BEEDLE JR. And apparently, so do a lot of other people.



(I think he was hungry when they took this photo, he looks like he's about to eat the mic)


It's my own fault, one of my comedy friends tried to warn me about him and I was stupid and desperate for stage time, so I wanted to give him a chance despite all the shit talking I heard about him. But c'mon, I mean look at this guy... He looks like a scumbag. I mean, I'm guessing he's jumped in front of cars before just to sue the drivers. Hell, he'd probably jump in front of me in my wheelchair if he thought there'd be money in it for him. He's sexy and he knows it!



I mean red flags should've gone up the first time I performed at one of his "shows". First of all, he asked me at like 3 pm on a Tuesday night in November if I could perform at some random ass restaurant in Waterbury at 7pm. Oh, and did I mention he wanted me to bring FIVE people, and have they pay $20 a ticket?! Then, made me feel like shit for only being able to bring my worker because I was somehow supposed to get five people to come spend $100 in four hours at some hole in the wall restaurant in the dirty Water. Did I mention he also asked me for $20 outside in the parking lot for bringing my worker, who I have to have with me to help me. When I went inside, there was hardly anybody in the restaurant, and his "show" mostly consisted of the other comedians he'd asked to perform. Oh, and did I mention he had no microphone or speakers for the "show". And there was another cripple comedian performing that night too, so not only did this asshole steal money from one cripple, but he stole money from two! Wow, what a classy man. Supposedly, he was looking for people to perform at shows in NYC with him, and possibly film a Netflix pilot with him. Unless this pilot was about about the bastard much less talented son of Hulk Hogan and Rosie O'Donnell, I doubt this was a real thing. As soon as the show was over, he took everyone's money and ran, literally. A lot of the other comedians wanted to talk to him after the show and he was already gone, probably to score some drugs... we were in Waterbury after all.

He asked me the day of some show, he supposedly had in NYC, if I could perform on it. Hello, I'm a cripple, I can't just drop everything to go to New York City, and on top of that, the venue wasn't even wheelchair accessible. So after that, he basically told me to fuck off until he wanted me for something again. Did I mention this asshole works for AT&T and messaged me one time like I was going to buy a phone or DirecTV from him... Hell no you fat piece of shit! And deny it all you want but I have the Facebook messages to prove it! Then I didn't hear from him for a while until right before Christmas of course. Probably needed money for drugs or to buy his daughter, yes, scary thought he has a daughter, those knock off barbie and wrestling figures that are so fucked up they got rejected so they are selling them at the dollar store. Ya know, like instead of a Macho Man Randy Savage action figure, it's a Nacho Man, complete with a nacho weapon. Instead of Barbie, it's Bebe, Barbie's retarded looking cousin. I wish these things existed because I would sadly buy them. But anyway,he told me if I gave him $100 dollars for 10 tickets, I could sell them for $15-$20 a piece at a future show of his that he would let me perform at. If you've read my blog, you know how broke I am. Soo, $100 is a lot of money for me, especially when I had to buy Christmas presents myself. When I hesitated, he then said, and everyone who knows him knows he says this, "Give me $50 now and and $50 later". When I hesitated again, he said okay how about $50, so then I was dumb enough to give it to him. Of course this show never has happened, at first he said he had no money to put on shows because the holidays wiped him out, and I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, now it's half way through April so what's his excuse now? The final straw for me though was when he started posting all over social media looking for comedians to perform at his shows. Do you think he asked me to perform at any of them, when I know they were wheelchair accessible venues, and he still knew that he owed me? Of course not, so then I blasted him on Facebook, and do you think despite all the times he acted like he was going to refund my money, that he actually has? No.. that $50 was snorted up a long time ago. Hopefully he used a $50 dollar bill to snort the drugs.

It gets better though, I had a show with him at Cabot Comedy Club in Chicopee Mass last night. Of course he avoided me like the plague, because he's chicken shit, and was afraid I would embarrass him in front of everyone, which I should have. No, mostly it's because he tried to message me earlier this week, and I purposely ignored him because he still wanted to "work something out". Here's a solution, refund my fucking money, and the $100 I lost out on for not being able to sell tickets. Then to show you what a selfish piece of shit he is, him and all of his friend left as soon as he was done performing last night, when everyone else stayed until the end of the show. Cause ya know, that's what common courtesy is. Also, for some reason, he decided to end his set with this great joke, which he was secretly using to brag about how great he is while offending everybody in the room. He said how he's been performing comedy for seven years, if you count his mom's kitchen I guess that's true. He finally was starting to get shows in NYC, and the comedians there were tough, telling him he was only "Connecticut Funny", not quite " New York Funny" yet. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the people that told him this only exist in his head! Anyway, the great punch line was something like, "I might only be Connecticut funny but at least it's better than Massachusetts funny". Yeah, even the host made fun of him for ending his set that way, and for leaving early with all his people that were paid to be there, I mean friends! Again, I don't feel bad for any of this. I have been to multiple shows where multiple comedians have made fun of/ talked mad shit about him, at least I have the balls to write it here, and I'll happily say it to your face. I shit you not, there is a Facebook group I am apart of that has multiple posts over multiple weekends with jokes about/making fun of this fat piece of shit! That's why I'm suing him in Small Claims Court, if anyone knows where this asshole lives, I need the address, all his dad could tell me was last he knew he lived in Meriden. Yeah, It's a stupid case, and yeah I might not win, but somebody needs to teach this fucker a lesson. Even if I don't win a dime from him, if I can ruin his comedy "career" of at least get him to stop scamming people, it'll be worth it to me.


One last story about this asshole, I contacted all those TV court shows about this case, and Judge Mathis producers contacted me about possibly being on. Knowing how selfish and attention seeking he is, I flat out asked him his address so that way I could serve him the court papers, but he was dumb enough/ delusional to think I was just trying to get it so we could be on TV. Well fuck Judge Mathis because they never contacted me back, apparently they don't want to deal with this future Chris Bennoit either.. Yeah, I stole that joke from someone. But he was actually considering going on when I told him there was money involved, but he didn't want to look bad, well sir that ship has already sailed! Since he looks like, and his last name sounds like Beetlejuice, any chance if I say his name three times, instead of appearing he will disappear? You can't see but I just dropped the mic!!!


This leads to me finally explaining how I made the internet hate me last week... You see, go back to my post about the comedian Vinny Beedle ripping me off. Due to this, I have decided to sue him in small claims court. Over dramatic maybe, but he’s highly disliked in the New England Comedy World. Because he has ripped off a lot of people in the real world and comedy world! Did I mention he has ripped off two of my other friends, one of them mentally disabled..? So yeah he’s a great guy! Now despite knowing this, better established comedians do nothing to stop him from ripping off new ignorant comedians like myself, so I felt the need to do something about it. However, I am also doing a charity fundraiser in June for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, because if you live in a fucking box or voted for Trump I hope by now you know I have a type of Muscular Dystrophy, and I’m trying to raise $500 by June 3rd. Believe it or not I hate asking people for money and after I did a go fund me to go to Vegas for my 30th birthday, I don’t really like asking people to give money for nothing… So I figured I’d make these hilarious shirts!

Well apparently just like Kim Kardashian’s ass, I broke the internet! First people didn’t get the joke when I wrote I was going to use the money from the shirts to fight off Vinny Beedles counter suit. Did I mention he is threatening to counter sue for slander?!? Now comedy people that know him hopefully you’ve gotten off the floor after reading that and keep reading. I mean if you don’t have any character to begin with can you really sue me for damaging it? The best part is he’s claiming that he is taking pictures of everything I am writing about him, and sending them to his lawyer. I’m assuming his lawyer is either Lionel Hutz or Saul Goodman, look it up assholes, but if he really does try to sue me assuming the judge doesn’t laugh him out of court, he’s not going to get very far. I mean I’m 20 grand in debt with no job. Bill collectors call me every day and I still live with my mom. You’re not getting any money from me buddy. Plus a good lawyer costs about $500 an hour. Now considering you ripped off a cripple for 50 dollars, a mentally disabled guy for 150 dollars, and Pat Oates who might as well be mentally disabled out of 200 dollars…. Just kidding Pat, you gave me my first break in comedy. I don’t think you have that kind of money to hire that kind of lawyer! Plus you know, I have convos with several people you have ripped off, and your criminal record on file to show what a shining star you are! Did I mention he told my mentally disable friend he will only be his friend again if he pays him money because the guy told me how Vinny ripped him off too. Like a typical bully he thinks if threatens and yells at me enough ill back down. Don’t worry guys, if by some miracle I win the case against him, and he pays up, which I highly doubt, I’ll give you the money he owes you! But yeah anyway back to the original point, AND LET ME MAKE THIS CRYSTAL CLEAR, the shirt money is going to MDA for the walk I’m doing on June 3rd because I thought it was a funny way to raise awareness and give people something for their money, and at the same time they are donating to a great charity. It is NOT going to fight some bullshit counter suit that will probably never happen anyways.


 Then you know people said I wasn’t being respectful of my comedy elders. Oh, that’s funny I didn’t know I was supposed to be nice to people that made jokes about my legs and penis not working… yeah they can say that they were joking, and yeah comedians are cynical assholes, but some if not most were saying it to be hurtful and rude! I’m not ripping on Vinny because he’s a great guy who takes his grandma to church every Sunday; at best he’s a con man who preys on people who are weaker than him! He’s a sketchy asshole and making fun of him to try and raise money for MDA somehow makes me an attention seeking fame whore then so be it! Yeah I mean I tried to get the case on Judge Mathis because I thought it would be funny to fight it out with him on TV. I hate to say it but any comedian who says they are above doing any TV/ internet/ radio for money because it will ruin their comedy street cred is so full of shit they should borrow some of Gimpy’s laxatives.  Thos of you who don’t know, Gimpy abuses pain killers and can’t take a shit because of it.. Oh the classy bitches I hire! I know a comedian who went on TLC for 50 bucks and pretended his mom died, and does radio shows once a month and I know a female comedian who’s on the radio once a week and no one shits on them for doing that because they’re comedy Veterans. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not knocking them, I would do all that in a heartbeat too, but don’t shit on me for wanting to go on Judge Mathis and insulting comedy “veterans” who are purposely are being rude and hurtful to me by telling me jokes that the rich asshole kids in Cheshire told me. You know when I was in high school 15 years ago, it wasn’t funny then, and it sure as fuck isn’t funny coming from a married guy with three kids who tells poop jokes at Pizza Hut on the weekend, while his wife screws the mailman, and his kids do drugs in their bedroom. He has to drive a bus to support those four ungrateful assholes during the week just to make ends meet. Whoa, I got a little off track there, but the point is I’m not going to kiss the ass of a 10 year CT Comedy Veteran, who I have done shows with at least three times. Despite what he says to the contrary when not only does he not talk to me every time he sees me on his show, but also sits in the corner with his cronies shit talking everyone else during the show, and has gone above and beyond to be a dick to me for no reason. Yeah fuck that guy, I said as much in the show I did Monday I wish my piece of shit phones didn’t cut it off! I pay hot bitches $50 to drive me around and wipe my ass. You get paid $50 to perform at Pizza Bar in West Virginia and have to beg people on Facebook to drive your broke fat ass there! Now that everyone hates me again, one last thing about Vinny

  

I have reached out to him telling him ill drop the suit if he just gives me and my friends their money back… of course he just ignored these requests or just threatened and yelled at me. Until Monday night when I was performing in New Haven I received these lovely Facebook messages:

                                                        


Hahaha I pissed my pants laughing… notice how he makes it seem like he’s doing me a favor? Does this delusional wigger fat fuck really think I want to do a show with him ever again, especially after everything that has happened? Still I tried to be nice and tell him give me the money back and then I’ll believe you and drop the suit… Notice how he hasn’t said anything since that. This is what happens when I try to be nice people! Anyway, if you want to buy a shirt to piss this fat fuck off, and donate to MDA please click here ...I need to get at least 20 sold by May 15th to get them made. Please I want a group of people to wear them to one of his shows!

Since I made the internet hate me the real question is: Do I show up to the show I was thrown off of tomorrow just to make everyone uncomfortable… considering that and a two day ban from a CT Comedy Facebook group is all I got I guess I’ll take it