JoJo Part 2

 

So I was looking at old blog posts that I wrote... quite disturbing and hilarious. Ironically in one blog post from October 2016, I wrote about JoJo and Craig Carton, both of whom I will be writing about again almost a year later. Yeah I haven't written since my birthday, but that is because I was busy actually doing things that were making me money, but now that that's over with and I'm racking up massive debt again thanks to boats and hoes mostly hoes somewhat boats, I'm back to writing this for free.

 

First of all, there's JoJo. See, back about a year ago I wrote how one of my old workers who I called Awkward Turtle met her because she won some radio contest. I don't speak to or write about Awkward Turtle anymore mostly because most of her friends turned out to be crack heads who literally asked me to get them drugs, plus when she quit she recommended bitch face to work for me, and we all know how well that went... So yeah, that's why she's no longer a part of my life. Anyway,  I mean yeah I forgot about JoJo because you know, she disappeared for like 12 years from the music scene apparently to go to college and because she had problems with her record label. But I recently discovered JoJo's new music, thanks to Stoney Beroni sister of @TheRealKimmieBenson, but I realized she has embraced being and writing songs that make her sound like a trashy hoe, which of course I love her for. my two favorites are FAB which for those of you not cool enough to know it means Fake Ass Bitches... when they smile in your face but behind you it ain't well wishes... and they eat all the food off your plates and don't even do the dishes... no time for these fake ass bitches.... You can jump on the bandwagon, take all your money and your lame ass friends... go ahead and jump on that bandwagon you fake ass bitches!! Then there's a collaboration with Wiz Kahlifa  called Fuck Apologies.. I'd say sorry if I really meant it! The highlight of the music video would be JoJo swimming naked in a pool with some definite side boob action going on.... HOT! Oh JoJo you are my spirit animal. My next tattoo will definitely be FAB, I just have to figure out where?!? I also like Say Love, even though Stoney Beroni hates it...According to the song you don't even have to say JoJo is perfect or pretty just say love.. JoJo girl, I'll say it every time!Stoney Beroni has created a monster, and I don't know how to stop it... FAB! I started a social media campaign playing up my crippleness / dying in order to try and meet her. Dammit if only I hadn't done Make A Wish already!

 

Onto Craig Carton, who used to key word USED TO host the morning show on WFAN which was also broadcast on CBS Sports Network, with Boomer Esiason, and I used to watch repeats of in the afternoon when I finally woke my fat lazy ass up. That was until the middle of last week when he got arrested for a whole bunch of charges by the FBI. Shocked, nope, I'm not at all! Even though I always found his sarcastic dickness humorous. I always knew there was something scummy about him. Well I don't really know what he did wrong, however I know it's a preview of my future because he owed a bunch of bookies and casinos in the area tons of money. Something about him buying tickets at face value, and trying to sell them for a huge profit in order to pay all these debts back. I didn't know that was illegal because I do this all the time on StubHub. I don't know, maybe it was because he bought 80,000 dollars worth of Barbra Streisand, Katy Perry, and Adele tickets on a credit card with his name and sold them at a huge profit. Problem was, he didn't sell most of them, so he still owed lots of people lots of money, and the credit card he bought the tickets with was in his name. As I wrote in my last blog post about Justin Perrucci, if you're going to commit a crime, don't be so fucking stupid about it. Needless to say, Craig Carton was indefinitely suspended after his arrest last week, and this week when I watched the show, besides numerous guest hosts taking his spot on the show, any mention of him on the show or in the studio it is hosted in has quickly been removed. For all the shit he talked about Mike Francesa, announcing his retirement 2 years in advance from WFAN, and making fun of him on the show, and him leaving the network in December... The ultimate irony is he outlasted your ass by four month and ultimately gets the last laugh! Maybe he will have a joint cell with his buddies Ray Rice and I'm guessing in the future Chris Christie!

 

Finally, sort of speaking of football, and I know a million people have already talked about this, but did anyone catch the broadcast of the second Monday night football game on ESPN a couple days ago? Yes, on the first Monday night of the NFL regular season, for some reason ESPN and the NFL like to broadcast two Monday night football games. The first and regular Monday night broadcast team usually does the earlier game of the night, so I get the second later game broadcast crew won't be as good, just like Stoney Beroni's typing in this, especially since they're working only one NFL game during the season and it's on real late, so not as many people are watching. Holy crap though, this year's B-Team was exceptionally bad. First of all, yes I know I'm being a sexist asshole, but they had a woman doing the play by play commentary and as bad as it looked and sounded, she was the best part of the whole broadcast. They had former Jets and Bills head coach Rex Ryan doing a analysis and play breakdowns, and holy shit he was as bad at that as he was coaching. At one point I could literally hear him talking to the producers telling them he could draw on the screen of a replay of the previous play in the game to show people what happens during the play, which is great and all, but I'm not supposed to be able to hear him tell producers that while he is on the air. I mean I watched Hard Knocks, the year the Jets and him were on it, and considering since it was on HBO every other word out of his mouth was, "Fuck." I'm just impressed he got through a whole broadcast without saying it, or maybe he didn't. I don't truthfully know because it was so bad I had to turn it off for a while just to stop listening to the awful commentary. Then there was the sideline reporter. First of all his name was Sergio Dipp. I never heard of or saw him before, and I don't think I ever will again after this. He was so bad, and I mean SO BAD, that at first I thought he was some high school kid that won a contest or some autistic guy doing his Make A Wish. I only saw him at the beginning of the game because he was so bad I don't know if they ever went back to him, but during that minute I saw him, he yelled, paused, and um-ed and ahh-ed his way through such an awkward opening that Stoney Beroni could have wrote a better one on a teleprompter live, and it would have sounded better. I'll see if I could find the video to it on YouTube and post it on here.

Also don't call it a come back I have been here for years... okay... a year, but after a six week break, I'm rolling the rust off of my wheels and doing the Hartford Funny Bone open mic on Tuesday. See the problem is most comedy shows around this area require you to bring 4 or 5 people at $10-20 a ticket just to get 5 minutes of stage time after you usually drive anywhere from 45-60 minutes just to get to the fucking place. So yeah, due to those lovely rules, I took a break for a while and now I'm mainly going to be focusing on comedy shows that are open mics or don't have bringer requirements because I am tired of giving money to Pat Oates and Ryan Brauth's kid's college funds. Fuck that, I'm only making money in comedy for myself from now on. Oh, plus the place I did a lot of shows in in New Haven got a bunch of water damage and might never re-open. And for some reason most of the open mics in CT or shows that don't require you to bring people are in places like Groton, New London, and Manchester, which are at least 45 to an hour away from where I live.Oh yeah, hopefully this time around, comedy is a bit easier though... I'll keep you posted and until next time, if you keep reading this I don't think you like me, I just think you like the chase but you know it's just a little too late!