I'm Starting To Understand Why Zayne Left One Direction

 

No, really I am! It's like he knew he was better than the rest of those tool bags, and that was the story of his life (see what I did there?) So he dropped them faster than JT dropped the rest of the guys from N'Sync. Seriously though, when are those guys going to reunite and tour? And I don't mean at the VMA's like 8 years ago for about 2 minutes. Come on just picture it, 50 year old Joey Fatone, weighing about 300lbs at that point, Chris Kirkpatrick and his awful 90's dreads, Lance Bass appealing to a certain male demographic with his hair dyed bleach blonde, shaking his butt in his tight skinny jeans, JC Chasez looking at Justin Timberlake with pure hate and resentment wondering why he wasn't the Justin Timberlake of the group, and of course the star of the show and the only reason why anyone would still show up.. Justin Timberlake all singing BYE BYE BYE... while a bunch of minivan driving, soccer mom's scream and piss their pants reliving those glory days! I'm pretty sure I went to high school with some of those girls, and NO that is NOT a compliment! See, just think about those two guys. They knew they had a good thing, but they could do so much better so they got out before it was too late! Unlike my heroes Zayne and JT, I know I have a decent set up here, but I can't get out even if I want to. Yes I know I used to come off (okay I still do) as an unappreciative douche. I appreciate the fact that I am able to live at home and not a state run nursing home/ living facility, because the care there is 100 times worse than the care I get provided between the state paying for half and luckily my mom can afford the other half of it somehow! And yes I know it's my fault because I hire the people that work for me, but sometimes they make it really hard to like them.

 

This past weekend is a great example as to why... where do I begin? Thursday afternoon, of course, when the ex-wife is supposed to be working the next day from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. she decides to tell me that she has a doctors appointment the next day, and of course she can't come to work. At first she lied and said she could do the 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. shift, but of course that changed when I told her I'd actually need her at that time. So the Creepy Canadian shockingly said she could work from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. which truly was shocking because she comes to work for me now about as often as I have a positive balance in my bank account! Of course, since everyone that works for me is an anal retentive spaz, she had to remind me oh, about 687 times that she could not stay past 1 that day. Also, of course nobody could come in until 5, which turned out to be 6 because Robert plans and God laughs...hence why I'm an atheist! And I did not want to ask my Mom to leave work early (luckily she came home at 4) so I was only by myself for 3 hours. But here is the best part- even though she reminded me 687 times that she couldn't stay past 1, she stayed until 1:15 so I could finish my drink even after telling her 3 times she could leave. However, then I made the fatal mistake of asking if she could take another oh, maybe 2 or 3 minutes to brush my teeth so I didn't have to wait 5 hours to do so. "OH NO, NO, NO!" She screamed in her best Paul Heyman impression. So let me get this straight, you insist 687 times that you have to leave at 1 p.m., I tell you 3 times to leave at 1 p.m, only for you to insist that you can stay another 15 minutes, but you can't stay another 2 or 3 minutes after that to prevent me from having hot garbage breathe...YEAH, THAT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE TO ME!!! Did I mention that the ex-wife, Grandma, and the Creepy Canadian always cry about how poor they are to me? Yet, whenever I offer them an extra shift, do they pick it up? OH NO, NO, NO! You know who does ironically pick them up? The girl that works full-time at a hospital, the girl who has a sick one year old at home, and the girl who has a full-time job at a group home caring for patients way worse off than me! Seriously though, in the past 96 hours do you know how many hours the 3 that cry poverty have been here?...Oh, about 13 hours between all 3 of them, and that's being generous. Yes, I know, I'm a lazy piece of shit, and yes, I know I blow my money on hoes and gambling, and yes, I bitch about everything on here...but ladies, here's a little advice: Don't cry to your boss about how poor you are, and then literally turn down every extra shift and money that he offers you so that you can basically pick your butt, get drunk off your ass, pop some pills, and get so fucked up you can't even remember your own name. Then you turn around and spend the little bit of money that you make on alcohol, cigarettes, "medical" marijuana, illegally obtained prescription medication, clothes, makeup, you know, all the important shit in life..Not bills or food. Then you wonder why you have to wipe your ass with coffee filters, swear on my dead father, one of them told me they did that. Seriously, I can't make this shit up!



Of course, then the ex-wife texts me last night saying she has some massive flu with 104 degree fever, and is on IV meds, saying that they're keeping her in the hospital, so obviously she's not coming to work for the next couple days. But so glad I gave her the specific Monday through Friday schedule with all the specific hours she asked for, and do you think she has worked one of those full weeks yet? OH NO, NO, NO! Then while she has a 104 degree fever she texts me that she loves me, and she didn't find it funny when I asked her if that was the fever talking...because she never responded after that. hahaha. People wonder why I'm an angry, miserable asshole. Well these last few paragraphs are a great reason why. If I could, I would be living in Florida or Arizona working as a journalist/writer and doing comedy on the side, but ya know, since I'm in a massive amount of debt I'll never get out of, and there's a better chance of me walking to Florida than my Mom ever leaving this fucking state and moving there, I'm going to be trapped in this miserable hell hole forever, surrounded by anal-retentive alcoholic, pill popping, anything smoking, psychiatrists saying they're beyond helping, coffee filter ass wiping assholes!

Speaking of all the comedians in Connecticut...you thought I was talking about my workers in that last sentence? Okay, I was, but it can also apply to the majority of comedians in this state. That's why I had to take a break from comedy for a while. Yes, I went into it knowing I was going to be handicapped to an extent, yes, pun intended! But seriously, I worked my ass off for a year performing in 3 different states, begging, pleading, and bribing friends and family to come see me at some shithole restaurant/dive bar/broken down comedy club, and no, I was never in it for the money, but even though I made a whopping $50 once and sold a total of 3 shirts after my shows, making $60 profit, I guess I'm going to sound like an arrogant prick, but I was fucking killing it at those shows! I mean, literally, people would come up to me and tell me after every show how funny I was, and not just other comedians who were trying to be nice, I mean complete strangers from the audience who I've never met before. Yeah, so I only ever got 5-10 minutes, but that's because that's all I could usually get, and even then, I was basically paying to get that stage time because I had to bring usually 3-4 people at $10-20 a ticket just to get those 5-10 fucking minutes! I thought slavery was outlawed in the 1880's, but not if you're a comedian in Connecticut I guess. Yes, there were open mics with no bringer requirements that I drove all over the state for to perform at usually for about 10 drunk people that weren't listening to anything that anyone was saying. Did any of this make a difference and get me not even a paid gig, but maybe some stage time without bringing people, or god forbid a paid gig, or maybe even a fucking weekend show? OH NO, NO, NO! I get the usual bullshit, I look different, I sound different, so let's just avoid the disabled guy in the room even though he's the funniest one getting the biggest laughs, sometimes even bigger laughs than the headliner- yeah, I fucking went there. Most of these comedy clubs or comedy shows are located in places that are impossible or near impossible for me to access so I can perform at, nevermind actually get on a fucking stage. Which I've been able to do 2 times in the 50+ times I've performed. But I'm funny, I know I'm funny, and yes I know there are plenty of funnier people than me in the world, but just because I'm disabled and it might look and sound different, and I might have to sit in front of the stage instead of on it, one year in 2 comedy in New England I feel like I should have made more progress than I did. But ya know, since I don't stay after shows to kiss the other established comedians asses, like I keep saying, and because I look and sound different and can't just roll onto a stage without help, I feel like I'm being handicapped from oppurtunities, yes pun intended. Here is a perfect example, there's a pretty famous comedy club around here, and yes I've heard to get more stage time and god fucking forbid a paid show, you have to perform there multiple times, and prove that you can make different audiences laugh with all different kinds of jokes. I have performed at this location probably more than any other, but do you think the booker at this place has ever approached me once about performing outside of a shitty bringer show...OH NO, NO, NO! I'm lucky if I get more than a hello out of him every time I perform there. "Competition" shows are a joke too. Yes, the ones I've performed in had funny people who deserved to win money way more than I did, I have no problem admitting that, but what I do have a problem with is that those people didn't win either! Ya know who wins those "competitions"? The comedian that is the biggest asskisser, I mean friend, of whoever is booking/organizing the show. But yeah, that's why I had to take a 3 month break from comedy in Crapnecticut. I don't know if any comedy people even read my angry thoughts. And no, I'm not mad at anyone specifically, sadly, it's just the way the world works, but I  know some people are going to get butt hurt reading this but grab some coffee filters to wipe away that pain because I don't give a shit if you're mad at me for writing this. the only reason I'm getting back into comedy starting on November 9th is because I love it and I miss performing, but sadly getting big laughs and being repeatedly told I was the funniest at shows, I know I'm probably not going to make much progress with turning it into a way to make a living. That was the other reason I had to roll away for 3 months, I had to do thing, ya know, that paid me money so I could pay those hoes and loan sharks. Anyway, after that lovely review of comedy in New England, come see me perform at Comix at Mohegan Sun on November 9th at 10 p.m. Tickets are $11.73 total, and can be purchased here.

 

Until next time, don't forget if you run out of toilet paper to wipe your ass- there's always coffee filters...or just use this guy's face!!!

Up On Cripple Creek

Is anyone else offended by that song as I am? Look it up you dumb millennials and grandmas. It's almost as offensive as the song "Short People" by Randy Newman. Seriously, that song is hilarious, but so offensive. For those of you not cool enough to know, Randy Newman was a one hit wonder from the 70s. He's even in the One Hit Wonder section of the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. I know, I went there once. That was the best part of that trip. That and I purposely rammed a car that parked too close to the ramp on my van at the time. The fucked up part is, as offensive and un-politically correct the song "Short People" is, the same guy that wrote and sang that has written and even won Oscars for several songs he wrote for Disney movies, most notably "You Got A Friend In Me" from Toy Story...which was forever ruined for me by Family Guy. Look up the clip. I am not explaining it on here!

 

Sorry grandma and most of my other faithful readers, this post is mostly going to be about wrestling. If you don't like it, too fucking bad. I never asked you to read it anyways. As I previously mentioned in my last post, I started making bumper stickers to sell along with my t-shirts for my Cripple Creations business. So, the first three bumper stickers I designed arrived this week. I'll post them below this paragraph, but one is making fun of my disability by writing "Handicap On Board" instead of "Baby On Board".

The other two had to do with James Ellsworth and Heath Slater, yeah I know they are two of WWE's lamest wrestlers and that is why I like them so much. I figured they do not have a lot of merchandise, so other weirdos like me who are huge fans of theirs, might want an option to buy something with them on it for cheap...I mean come on it's only $5! You can purchase one online here: 

Anyways, since I'm a social media whore, after the first three designs arrived I put them all over Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and tagged James Ellsworth and Heath Slater in them. I never thought I would actually get a response, but much to my shocking surprise Heath Slater retweeted my tweet at him. I'm glad he found them as funny as I did. If you are not a fan of wrestling, his saying is that he needs a job as a wrestler, after he went as the only undrafted wrestler to Raw or Smackdown. Every week he would lie and say he had more and more kids, and that is why he needed this job. So, I made a spoof of it since it's a bumper sticker and wrote, "I need this vehicle, I got kids" with his picture and similar style font that he has on his WWE shop t-shirt. But, yeah, now that Heath Slater retweeted me, my life has peaked. There's really no coming back from that. Sure, one time on Christmas last year, James Ellsworth tweeted at me, but Heath is such a bigger deal haha! Anyway, here is the picture of the retweet below and the two other bumper stickers.

Just so you know grandma, when James Ellsworth first came to WWE, he fought a guy who was 7ft tall and 400lbs. When they asked him how he was going to win, he said, "I truly believe that any man with two fists has a fighting chance!" Yes, James sucks and never wins matches without tons of help, and technically was the first winner of the first ever female Money In the Bank ladder match, but that's what makes him awesome. So, yeah, what I wrote is just a spoof of my wheelchair/cripple van by saying, "Any man with four wheels has a fighting chance!" Also, I think his days might be numbered because he's been reduced to being led around on a dog leash by Carmella, but I'm going to enjoy him while he lasts.

 

Speaking of days that are numbered, I recently got asked by WWE to fill out a very interesting survey. The first part asked on a scale of 1-5 how big a fan I was of particular wrestlers, 1 being the worst and 5 being the best, there was also an option for Never Heard of Them, which with me being the crazy fan that I am, is not a good sign for you if I have not heard of you. There were some interesting names on there. Here are the ones that I said I hated...Mojo Rawley, Baron Corbin, Apollo Crews, and I know there were a few more, but that's all I remember. The ones I said I loved were Bayley (even though they have ruined her character since they brought her up from NXT), Brie Bella (I was shocked she was on there because she retired), The Miz and Maryse...everyone they asked about fell somewhere in the middle for me, except for James Ellsworth and Heath Slater. They both got 5s too, obviously. The second part asked how often I watch the weekly shows, attend WWE events in person, and how much I would be willing to pay to meet specific wrestlers. Obviously the ones I gave bad scores, I said I would never pay to meet, and the ones I gave the highest scores, I said I would pay over $200 to meet. The lowest option besides I would never pay to meet them was $50-99. The highest was over $200 I believe. Obviously, again, everyone else they asked about fell somewhere in the middle. I wasn't surprised that names like Goldust, R-Truth, and Rhyno were on there. I was very surprised that names like Kevin Owens, Seth Rollins, John Cena, and AJ Styles were on there. I'm assuming they want people to fill out the survey to see who draws people in to watch them on tv, sell merchandise, and prove people are willing to pay a lot to meet certain wrestlers. I'm also assuming the ones that did not get very high scores might be out of a job soon or working for Global Force Wrestling, ROH, or Lucha Underground or one of the several Japanese promotions. So, yeah, between a lot of big names rumored to be coming up from NXT soon and the survey from WWE trying to figure out who people like, I'm thinking a decent amount of current WWE wrestlers will either be fired or not signed to new contracts. Again, if anybody reading this that doesn't know me, don't take this too seriously, it's just my thoughts and opinions.

 

Finally, Hell in A Cell is this coming Sunday, and while there are a few matches I'm excited for, I gotta say it's time for the Jinder Mahal experiment as WWE champ to come to an end IMMEDIATELY! First off, he was so lame and came out of nowhere so fast to become WWE Champ that while all the other wrestlers have their logos on the sides of their championship belt, Jinder didn't even have any merchandise in the WWE shop website at the time. For example, Dean Ambrose had the "DA" symbol, AJ Styles had the "P1" symbol, and John Cena had the "U Can't See Me" hand symbol. Since Jinder had no logo, at first, his belt just said his name. I noticed after a lot of people talked shit about it, they finally changed it. Below is a before and after photo:

 


Second, rumor has it that he became WWE Champ so fast because the company was trying to appeal to their third largest fan base in India...in case you are wondering the US and England are one and two. Yeah, slight problem with that...Jinder is from Canada. Yeah, I think his parents might have originally been from India, but he was born and raised in Canada...I don't think Inidan fans are going to get behind a Canadian wrestler pretending to be Indian. Third, they even tried to salvage it by having the Great Khali help him win and get over with Indian fans because you know the Great Khali is actually from India. But, it was weird and awkward, like the majority of the Great Khali's wrestling career. You see he's so tall and heavy that he can barely walk let alone wrestle, so yeah, he shows up randomly to help Jinder keep the title by choking Randy Orton for what seemed like 5 minutes, while Jinder slowly climbed out of the Punjabi Prison Match. While it was nice to see somebody besides the Singh brothers interfere and help Jinder win/keep the title (because God forbid he legitimately ever won a match without help, yes that's how bad he sucks)! It was strange that the Great Khali just showed up that one time to help him and basically say, "Hey people of India, you love the Great Khali because he's actually from here, so now that we paid him to help Jinder win a match one time, now you have to love Jinder too!" Fourth, Jinder, before he was ever considered to be champion, lost to crap-tastic wrestlers like Mojo and El Torito who was a midget that dressed like a bull. Fifth, judging by his massive muscle gain and tons of backne, I'm guessing he's on some major steroids. Not that they aren't all probably, but why are you rewarding one of your crappiest wrestlers with one of your biggest titles? Lets put it this way, RAW's biggest title holder is Brock Lesnar, and Smackdown Live's is JINDER FUCKING MAHAL!!! You see, he sucks so bad that he is the Smackdown Live Heavyweight Champ, and he is NOT headlining their next Pay Per View Hell In A Cell. Hell (haha see what I did there?) but he's not even, I think fighting Shinsuke Nakamura for the title in Hell In A Cell. So let me get this straight, Smackdown Live and WWE, you have the USOS, and The New Day fighting for the tag titles in Hell In A Cell, and you have Kevin Owens fighting Shane McMahn (yes the owner's son) fighting in the main event in Hell In A Cell.... But you have your biggest title holder at a Pay Per View named after this specific Hell In A Cell match fighting a regular match against a guy who has been on the roster for less than 6 months in the middle of the card in a regular wrestling match. That's some great writing and planning in the WWE! I haven't seen such well thought out wrestling stories and ideas since WCW circa 1999-2000, and Global Force Wrestling AKA Impact Wrestling in its current format. That would be the subject of my next blog post... but here's a preview, basically the writers and producers in a deperate atempt for meetings and sales threw a bunch of shit at the wall to see what would stick. Some of these ideas included a Viagra on the Pole match, one of the wrestlers mom's on a forklift match, and David Arquette (yes that David Arquette the actor not wrestler) as WCW Heavyweight Champion... Who might only be the second worst main champion of a major wrestling company after Jinder! That's just me shitting on WCW, don't even get me stated on the affairs of Impact Wreslting! Until then only YOU can prevent forest fires, so stop throwing your god damn cigarette butts in my driveway and in front of my house ex wife and worker I have not come up with a nickname for yet!  

Is Halsey like Cerebral Palsy?

 

No, I seriously need to know. I don't know what the fuck a Halsey is, but apparently she is a super big deal and everyone that works for me loves her and wants to see her in concert, which kind of just makes me hate her even more. See, I mostly stopped listening to current pop music about two years ago because it sucks more than Mike Myers movie career lately. Yeah, but apparently she is a super big deal or something and my mom got free tickets to see her at Mohegan last Friday and like I said everyone that works for me wanted to go see her. I was told she was a lesbian, but apparently not because on Friday it was her birthday and her boyfriend allegedly came on stage to surprise her and I'm now dumber for having written all this may God have mercy on my soul! But who knows maybe she pretends to be straight or maybe I just imagined that she is a lesbian because now everyone that works for me is denying that they said that.

 

Anyway, of course Big Boobs McGee called dibbs on the free tickets. Did I mention though of course she still had to be a selfish and ungrateful bitch this week. Yeah, I give you extra hours every week, don't say anything when you text my other workers to come in an hour later because god forbid you lose out on 2 hours a week, and I helped you turn your entire life around when you were heading way down the wrong path! Not to mention, my mom drove all the way to Mohegan to pick up those tickets for you and your friend because I don't know what the fuck a Halsey is, and I rather watch Vinny Beedle do stand up for an hour straight then listen to that garbage. Don't worry Vinny Beedle I still think you're the comedic equivalent of hot garbage that's just how much I don't want to see a Halsey. But, you know for all the shit she talks about my other workers not filling out their time sheets properly and how dumb they are for it, she was pissed this week when she didn't get her overnight check for the 15.5 hours she worked. Well, when you talk shit and then I notice that you didn't fill out an overnight sheet am I going to go out of my way to make sure you had one filled out? Oh no no no, said Paul Heyman. Then Allied only paid my workers for 1 week instead of both on Friday, so of course she was pissed about that too! Yes, it's my fault Allied paid no money to any of you for the second week because I went over my total hours by three. Yet, when you go to all your EDM drug festivals, I mean music, you have no problem missing out on hours and work and staying up all night. I mean I'm pretty sure the only reason you signed up for the overnight in September (I make my workers sign up for weekend overnights so I have six women bitch at me less than they normally do, so one person isn't giving up every weekend) is because I called you out and posted your time stamped 2:30 am snapchat video of you quading while drunk and waxing your guy friends butthole. Did I mention she tried to claim she can't possibly stay up past 1 am before that?!? I got blocked on her snapchat because of this, but it was totally worth it. All I'm missing out on is27 bathroom selfies at EDM festivals while she's half naked and tripping balls or 30 consecutive 10 second videos of a Halsey performing at Mohegan. it will be tough and I shed a lot of tears and I haven't been this heartbroken since the ex wife blocked me on snapchat, and I could no longer watch her dance in the Burger King parking lot and picking up homeless guys to make amateur porn with, I mean give them somewhere to spend the night allegedly. But somehow I survived that, so I think I might survive this! By the way, do you think she has ever thanked me for all the things that my family and I have done for her over the last four years... WAIT FOR IT...... OH NO NO NO!!!

 

Three exclamation points to end that last paragraph, that's how you know it's serious! On Thursday, I decided to leave the house for once. Why, because for some reason Foxwoods decided to offer me 2 free tickets to see The Script. No, I don't spend massive amounts of money at the casino anymore, that money now goes to boats and hoes, mostly boats, somewhat hoes. Just kidding! It goes to all the debt I acquired over the years from spending too much money at the casino. Anyway, I was surprised they offered them to me so I took them. On top of that, I got decent seats, the powers of being a cripple! Well they had like seven or eight songs I already knew to my surprise, and at one point the lead singer went out into the crowd, and much to my surprise this happened, by the way Stoni Beroni ate some serious edibles before she came her and started typing this with me.. So I might be done with this before my next birthday September 3, 2018. Anyway, this happened;

Stoni Beroni is just as dumb as Grandma is because they both don't know how to type a colon... I tried to tell them to lay off the weed, but the good part is it destroys their short term memory so much that they won't remember me constantly saying it after they type/read it. For the record, do whatever you want but judging by the generation of rocket scientists set to start running this country I'm pretty sure it makes you dumb as shit! Anyway, back to The Script, he scared the poop out of me because all of a sudden I looked up and the lead singer was standing there. Plus, of course it had to be the song I didn't know the words to, but luckily it was during the "ooohhhh" part of the song so with all the breath I could manage in my 1.5 and 50% lung functionality I have I yelled "Ooohhh" into that microphone... And that's how my comedy career ended and my career as a singer in The Script began. On top of that I won $100 on the slot machines that night, and I was even smart and used the money to pay a bill. Now considering the luck I have with these two things happening I'm assuming I'm about to get hit by a bus or crushed by a Billboard sign to even it out.

 

Just to prove this theory, the hot water heater in my house decided to shit the bed yesterday. It's as awesome as it sounds because when it comes to showering I now have two options. I can take a freezing cold shower with no hot water like the have nots on a season of Big Brother, or I could fill up buckets of water and microwave them before pouring them over myself. You're welcome America for getting to picture that! I chose the second option, which takes forever and half the time the water is still freezing anyways! But I got to wash my hair so I don't or smell like what I imagine Daniel Bryan smells like... Yes I'm a huge fan of his, but he looks like a dirty hippy/ goat and he loves to brag about how environmentally friendly he is so I imagine his bathing habits are similar to mine right now. Seriously, he still works for WWE and his wife did too for several years. Yet, they are proud of the fact that their house is less than 1/3 the size of John Cena's guest house, they grow their own organic vegetables in their backyard, it uses compost made of their own shit, and he doesn't want his baby daughter to wear disposable diapers because they are allegedly bad for the environment. I wonder if him and my mom are related? Yeah, we need a new water heater, but since my mom can actually qualify for an episode of Extreme Cheapskates I'm guessing we shall get it around my 40th birthday if I'm still rolling around this Earth, which is around September 3, 2025. It's great that you can take a shower and do laundry at my grandmas house before we also qualify for an episode of Hoarders, but meanwhile I get to freeze my balls off until that blessed day in 2025. We also can't wash dishes which is as appetizing as it sounds, and the old hot water heater is leaking right below our living room so every time I go to watch TV it smells like warm cat piss and mold. My uncle is coming over with a "temporary" fix tomorrow which I pray, even though I'm not really religious works and somehow lasts eight years when I could do a new GoFundMe for my 40th birthday. Instead of "Crip Trip to Vegas" it will be Hot Water for Sargent Slaughter... I'm just getting back into comedy again soon so that was the best I could come up with!

 

Besides comedy, I'm also starting a new product line for Cripple Creations! Wait for it, iiiiiitttt'ss ..... BUMPER STICKERS! Stoni Beroni wrote boner stickers, I don't know what those are, but it sounds terrible! But yeah, I figure they are cheaper to design and make (seriously I already designed and ordered six in a week, and it took me over a year to design and order six different t-shirt designs) and here's what they look like:

Batch 1



Batch 2

 

The first batch arrives Thursday October 5, 2017, and the second batch arrives Tuesday October 10, 2017. They will be sold online and at all my comedy shows for $5.00 each or 3 for $10, 4 for $12, or 5 for $15. Hopefully they will sell better than my shirts, if not I'll never get @TheRealKimmieBenson to work for me, and I ain't got Shop Rite wages to be throwing around unless these stickers and T-shirts take off... I also have a great idea for a pair of custom socks, but I can't write about it on here until I make them and probably get sued for them by somebody famous! Until then if anybody finds Stoni Beroni's edibles or Grandma's hearing aid let me know!