lazy ass day

Today was a lazy ass day but, then again most of my days are. I actually had to get up at 11 AM to start training a new worker to take over for cripple foot and BBM. The girl was nice and all but I'm pretty sure she thought I rode the short bus to my house. She kept asking the work wife questions about me even though I was sitting right there. Plus, she talked to me in that same baby talk way that moms talk to their little kids. Granted she has two kids, but it is still mad annoying. But hey at least she didn't stare at me two inches from my face and scream HI ROBERT HOW ARE YOU!? That is my person favorite when people meet me and just assume I'm mentally disabled, despite the two college degrees hanging in my room. I know George W. Bush went to Yale and they hand out college degrees these days like their toilet paper, but I'd like to think I worked hard to get them. I was willing to give her a chance until she asked when she was going to meet my Mom...okay first of all my Mom is an accountant and from now through April 15th you have a better chance of seeing Tupac then you do of seeing her. Second of all, I'm 30, I'm training you and I'm fully capable of telling you how to take care of me without my mom. I hate the fact that people just assume you're useless and can't do anything on your own because of a physical disability. Here's some news for everyone..I go out places, I get drunk, I make poor life decisions, blow all my money, do questionable things with questionable people, then write this piece of crap so all of you can laugh at how fucked up my life is.

Then, for some reason she had gotten dropped off so she was just kind of awkwardly sitting in my house waiting to be picked up. On the bright side her and the work wife got to go take a cancer break together outside. My favorite part is how they take a bath in perfume to try and cover up the god awful smell after. News flash ladies, you still smell like my high school bus driver and with any luck one day you'll look like a warthog like she did and sound like a truck driver. 10-4 good buddy! Love the work wife to pieces but shes not the brightest crayon in the box. Now I know this isn't funny, but one day I had to rush to the ER with her because she legit might have been having a stroke. To test if you are, the doctors ask you basic questions. Like the year, the month, the day of the week, and who the president is...is it wrong that I almost contemplated telling them that she doesn't know that even on a good day...being 100% honest here folks! Ya know these are the same people that cry about how poor they are and want more hours, but then when you offer them up, they say their too tired or busy to do them. Busy doing what? This is your only job and you sleep until 3 in the afternoon every day. Let's also not forget the snap stories and pictures on FB and instagram of you and your best friend out shopping, doing your nails, and getting your hair done.

Now to the work wife's best friend..that is a whole fun adventure in itself. Besides the fact that shes so far up the work wife's ass that she can probably tell you what she ate for breakfast...this is the same girl that cooks in the dark and will only flush the toilet once a day to save money, but has 6 credit cards so she can keep buying the work wife gifts and presents. My current favorite is the two of them are going to a rap concert at Foxwoods on Tuesdsay night. Granted after the show all of us are staying at Mohegan for the night because you know I'll use any excuse to use my free room stays and go there. However, the funniest part is the best friend has never been to a concert. Not sure how you hit 23 without going to a concert, but anyways this concert is with some rapper called Legends. I'm old as fuck now so I don't pretend to know who this is. Yet, this girl that is going is probably the only person I know that is whiter than me. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she enters the show. All their songs are about doing drugs and screwing women and between the two of them, they probably know about 3 songs between the two artists performing. But nothing ever stops the best friend from trying to impress the work wife, oh yeah I forgot to tell you the reason for her buying the tickets. She knows the work wife is originally from the south and had her on the radio that he was a southern rapper...yep that is the reason why. This chick doesn't even know two things about this so I'm guessing when she goes and the show gets going her face will look a little something like this.

So yep that's all for today folks. Look for another bigger cripple rant in the near future unless of course I get hit by a bus or kidnapped by Charlie Sheen because of my last post. That is why I wore my red shirt today...to show we both run on tiger blood, except mine is AIDS free, too soon?