My Crazy life

Alright last night things got a little too dramatic, for my liking. I started this blog to just laugh at the ridiculous things that happen in my life. I do not mean to offend, hurt, or upset anyone who reads this. That is why I do not refer to anyone by name and I make sure to make fun of myself just as much. However, I strongly advise if you do not like what I am writing then maybe you should not read my blog. Especially if it is going to result in tainted ice cream from Dairy Queen. Aint nobody going to mess with Robert A Held's ice cream.... I come from the main streets of Cheshire I have seen things in my life time. Like people driving a Kia as their first car or waiting for their parents to pay for their plastic surgery until after their high school graduation. #firstworldproblems.

So things have gotten so bad financially for me that I am thinking about actually selling my body to science. Do I actually get paid for this? Or do they just pay for my funeral? If so it is kind of pointless because I already have a tomb stone with my name on it. This is fucked up but did you know that it is cheaper to buy grave plots in bulk when one of your relatives dies, then it is just to buy a single plot. At least someone is making a killing... ahahh see what I just did there!

I did see a website I can apply to write about the Yankees for the upcoming season. Yep that is how desperate I am because I fucking hate the Yankees. Is it wrong that if I got the job I would just use it as an excuse to either run over or ram A-Rod with my chair. I can totally get away with I play good fake retard when I have too. I will just start drooling all over myself and say, "sorry Mr. Rod... have you seen my apple juice?!"

In the meantime I have decide to whore myself again with a new go fund me. See last year I turned 30 and wanted to go to Vegas so I played the cripple card to have people help me to go there. So I figured whats the best way to piss more people by asking for help again to get more handouts. Shameless plug if you would like to donate click here
gofundme.com/robertsnewvan

After last nights fiasco I decided to also make some hilarious t-shirts. To help me get a new van/move out of my moms house because you know I am 30 and still sleep in a little boy bed. Plus, I want to relieve some of her financial burdens funding my gambling habit and paying the incompetent people that work for me. If you would like to buy one to help, me move on up like the Jefferson's , go to: booster.com/freerobert

Here is a picture of what they look like: