Business

Surprised coming from me? But I decided to start a funny T-shirt business. Since I have a type of muscular dystrophy, called spinal muscular atrophy I inappropriately named it Cripple Creation. They say it is not work if you do something you love. Well, besides writing, sports, skanks, and gambling this is what I came up with. Sure, I have only sold about five shirts so far, but I have a lot of fun designing them and then having them created and sent to my house. Now I have built a website for my business. Check it out HERE  I know it is far from perfect but not bad for a cripple, a gimp, a mom, the wife, an awkward turtle, and a creepy Canadian! Before anyone bitches I used my own time and money to make the products and have them delivered. I also used my own money to purchase the website. Hey, writing this beautiful thing and writing for free for new news websites does not pay the bills, so I had to come up with something!

These were my first two designs:

The first one is because I am handicapped and just like black lives I think all lives matter, including my people. Even if Gimpy makes me reserve concert tickets at the casino, when I have a gambling problem, and then pulls a no show because she is having a Beverly Hills 90210 size drama queen breakdown, I hope the actor murders you after I write a horrible review of "No Sex Please We're British" at the Berlin Ct. Cabaret Theater. Yep that is how I am spending my Friday night this week. Jealous? I bet you are. You know why I am going? Because Gimpy was supposed to meet me and the wife there along with her friend. Guess who is pulling another no show because she is scared. This chick aka gimpy needs to drop out of nursing school fly to LA and go try out for the first soap opera she comes across because her life is a bigger cluster fuck then mine, and that is saying something. Either that or Real Housewives of Hartford! Ok I am getting side tracked on Gimpy for a minute but our latest crazy theory both of our significant others are MIA most of the time. But then strangely enough they both literally  texted us at the same time this afternoon when we have not heard from them since Saturday... Today is Monday! Then to top it off I asked the wife if she was in Spain with Gimpy's boyfriend and she got mad because she thought we were both implying that they were having an affair with each other. The Wife is not the brightest bulb. PS. the only way I knew she was still alive is she looked at my snapchat story. Gimpy knew her boyfriend was alive because he changed his profile picture. What hot passionate relationships! 

The next shirt is more meant for women. Ryan Spooner is a hockey player in the NHL for the Boston Bruins. I just think his last name is hilarious, I do not even know what he really looks like, probably pretty horrible with a bunch of missing teeth because he is a hockey player!

These are my two new designs that came in today:

The first one is because unfortunately Donald Trump is one election away from becoming the next president of the United States. While I start packing my belongings and head for Mexico or Canada, I will tell you why I designed this because all the window lickers that work for me do not get it. Donald Trump was best known for hosting the reality show The Apprentice, besides his multiple failed businesses, marriages, and wheels crossed presidential campaign. Lets not forget his incredible racism. This jackass says everything that should ruin a politicians career but some how he keeps receiving votes. If he has his way I will probably be living in a concentration camp with gimpy, her parents and the creepy Canadian and her parents. The topper is the creepy Canadian's mom wants to vote for Trump, and Gimpy's mom wants to be deported. I am starting to see how this guy is getting elected. Anyway, Ryan Seacrest was the host of American Idol you know remember that show when it was really popular? So I figured if Trump wants to treat the presidency like a reality show, then who would make for a better Vice president then fellow reality show host Ryan Seacrest. Hey he needs a job American Idol just aired its last season. Sadly, if this dream ticket really happened I would vote for it. The other one is pretty self explanatory. Trumps business ideas, and his beliefs on life are so ridiculous that why not make a poop brown colored shirt that says Dump Trump on it. When I take a big shit I call it taking a big Trump. Plus, I have been to his casinos in Atlantic City New Jersey and they are Trump Dumps! No wonder he has had to file bankruptcy on them so many times.

So people do not get butt hurt I will be ordering this shirt and have it ready to purchase next month. I can probably say I voted the crypt keeper, Bernie Sanders. Sure, he is 73 and will probably die in office because he already looks like he might have and is the only person I know that has worse bed head then me and does nothing about it. But, I do not know Hilary seems like such a frigid uptight bitch I do not want her being president either. Her husband already had 8 years and he is best known for letting a fat intern S his D in the Oval Office and getting a stain on her dress, I threw up writing this. Yep, so sadly I will be basing my vote on who Trump and Hilary pick for their Vice President. Yep, if it is someone as awesome as Ryan Seacrest or the fat Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie then yea I will vote for Trump and laugh all the way on my train ride to my new home. Goodnight America!