I'm even friends with one of the former cast and her husband on Facebook, from which season do some research and find out you lazy asshole! Besides I have to do something to fill my time besides sleeping til noon, going to the doctor's and writing this blog and sports stories for free. Oh and lets not forget my ever worsening gambling addiction. And all the money I lose to that, I've helped a lot of Native American children go to college. And drink fire water. Look it up cause I know anyone who reads this doesn't know what that is. Sad? You bet it is!
Anyways back to the dog wedding, um yeah I don't even know where to begin. First of all it was the daughter of some famous social media animal called the Fat Jew. Because that's not offensive or anything, and trust me if there is one thing I know is how to offend people. But hey at least my sister is finally talking to me again. It was marrying some other random dog, apparently their names were Toast and Finn. I was just informed of this by The Mom and I hate her for not only knowing this but remembering it. Anyways that wasted another 30 seconds of my life that were important. One of the dogs legit looked MR its tongue was constantly sticking out, oh and the bride and groom each had bridesmaids and groomsmen! What the fuck did these dogs do to deserve this? There was also 200-300 guests at this damn wedding... seriously did they pick these two random ass dogs?? I'm pretty sure one of the dogs owners is the daughter of Patty Hearst. I'm starting to understand why her mom pretended to be kidnapped in the 70's so she could rob banks and get attention from her family. Fucking Christ look what her daughter does for attention! She charges $150.00 a ticket to watch 2 dogs get married. And it was really nice ass wedding. Like the Mom is jealous! Vogue Magazine covered it I'm not kidding! They even had some famous gossip columnist officiate the wedding, and a famous fashion designer walked the bride down the aisle because the Fat Jew had a prior commitment. What the fuck was this dog doing that he couldn't attend his own daughter's wedding? No wonder his daughter is such a bitch HAHA get it?
The Mom just informed me the fashion designer was apparently the dog's God Father. I still hate her for knowing this and what religion are you practicing that your pet needs a God Father? I'm now taking applications for Miley, Flappy and Charlie's god parents. Also if anyone would like to pay $150.00 for a ticket I will happily marry Miley to Charlie (she likes him better but I'm pretty sure that Charlie prefers Flappy if you know what I mean) but seriously is this what rich people do in New York? Sure we have children starving to death, women being sexually assaulted daily and our own version of Hitler about to be elected as President, but fuck it lets throw down 6 figures on a dog wedding. They claimed the money went to charity but I;m guessing that charity was something really stupid like sending blankets to freezing children in Africa. IF YOU DON'T GET THAT JOKE KILL YOURSELF!!
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate living in CT? The Wife says shes moving to North Carolina in 4-5 months so if that happens I'm so outta here. But I don't care if it is an assisted living/nursing home in NC or my dream state of Florida I've taken all I can from this stupid state and I can't take anymore! Yeah truthfully I will probably live in some state run facility in Crapnecticut sitting in my own waste 2-3 days at a time while I get fed the occasional pudding or Jello cup. But whatever it has to be better than living in Cheshire. Today when I was driving through this stupid town I saw a guy around my age legit staring into a post office box! uh WTF? I'm not sure exactly what he was doing but whatever you dropped in there sir ain't coming back. Unless you plan on sitting around all day today and possibly tomorrow waiting for the mail person to show up and open it. Or you try to get in there and steal packages? With all the trust fund kids in this town he probably has nothing else better to do than wait around to steal packages out of the post office box to feed his drug habit. Either that or he's talking to his best friend Smitty the mailbox troll that only he can see and hear! Don't worry dude the drugs will get to your friend in prison. The bad part is you put your return address on it and when the CO's open it they will just pocket it and sell it to your friend at a much higher price. What I watch a lot of Orange is the New Black and Law and Order so I know how these things work.
Finally, I saw this the other day and I have been needing to write about it. It is called Mac and Cheetos. It is as disgusting as it sounds. It is Cheetos stuffed with macaroni and cheese. Yep, it is from Burger King so I'm pretty sure I got diarrhea just thinking about it. No wonder they found horse meat in their hamburgers years ago... but hey at least now I know what happened to the horse that my uncle in South Carolina owned. Eww I just grossed myself out on that one. All this being said because I'm fat and disgusting I'm totally gonna have to try it. So the day after I try it you will know why I'm in the hospital again with an extreme intestinal infection. I won't be able to blame Jake's Wayback Burger this time for my terrible dietary choices. I'm starting to figure out how I got Diabetes now I'm off to eat my McDonald's for dinner thanks to The Mom. My workers take such great care of me!
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