Speaking of the Ol' Gimpster yea she is still alive and kicking some how, she is the Grim Reaper or Angel of Death I am not KIDDING! This chick has been to more funerals then my Grandma this year and my Grandma is 83 and Gimpy is 23... What the actual fuck most of them were for people who were still teenagers or still in their twenties! What kind of crazy crack heads is she hanging out with?!? I swear to God when I go to the Mets game with her in July we are going to be part of a terrorist attack by ISIS, but do not worry though some how Gimpy will survive she might lose another arm or leg but the flying pieces of my wheel chair and body will only damage not kill her! Well at least she will have another funeral to go to! Hopefully they will be able to reattach it like they did with her foot! Speaking of Ol' Gimpy being the Angel of Death, this is the nice email I wrote to Pat's Pools after they tried to kill Gimpy and I today....
Hello,
My
name is Robert Held, I just wanted to make you aware that one of your
trucks almost killed myself and my worker today. It was around 6:45 pm
by the light near Opticare in Cheshire Ct. I have a physical disability
so I have my assistance drive me around and when we were going through a
green light, one of your trucks was turning right and did not even stop
just pulled out right in front of us and almost T-boned us. While I do
not have a pool this is not exactly the way I wanted to get one
delivered on top of me. Luckily for you there was nobody in the lane
next to us so we were able to swerve and avoid your truck. Next time you
might want to talk to your drivers about road safety, unless you would
like the negative publicity of killing a disabled man, along with a
massive law suit. Yea if I ever get a pool I will make sure not to use
you guys. Have a lovely day.
Your Pal in Christ,
Robert A. HeldYes, that is really what I wrote word for word! The van just got fixed and is not shaking, rattling and rolling anymore and I almost got drowned by a truck full of pool water actually with my luck I would have been a hood ornament! Not Gimpy though she may have lost another chunk of foot but she would have been just fine! I am not kidding the way were heading the passenger side of the van would have slammed right into the grill of the truck who wants grilled cripple? Thank God good Ol' Gimpy drives slower then my Grandma and nobody was in the lane next to us and she decided not to be retarded for once and swerved into the other lane, ew that is as nice as I can be writing about her!
Then it got better some how I survived the Grim Reaper driving me to the mall, only to have something weird happen while we were there. Yea we were there because Gimpy had to buy a movie she pretended to own to impress some hipster tool she is going out with tomorrow despite having a boyfriend waiting for her arrival in Spain for three weeks. See Gimps wants to dump him but is too much of a Jew bag to waste the money she spent booking this trip, so she is bringing her brother along as a cock block and that is not disgustingly disturbing or anything. Seriously she is, she decided to share with me today that he asked if they were going to have sex and she said NO! Why the fuck are you telling me this shit Gimpy.... but you know she also said because of that her whatever the fuck he is will probably rape and murder her like she was reporting the weather forecast to me. It will partly sunny and 80 degrees in Spain today with a 20% chance of boyfriend rape/murder later in the day, back to you at the news desk Pat! But then she freaks out at me when out of spite I told her I got my freak on today with the Wife! Guess Gimpy dont like sex talk but she can tell me these things and how she had a porno made in front of her like it is no big deal!
Anyway, when we got to the mall we got attacked by a human highlighter! Seriously this dude looked like a highlighter, his body shape was that of a highlighter and it did not help that he was wearing a bright yellow shirt and a winter hat cause on June 1st when it is 80 degrees out you really need that winter hat! Now I saw him talking to Gimpy so I got grossed out because I thought he was hitting on her so I purposely stayed far away. Apparently, he was trying to get her to pay cash for a gift card but dude like that is the oldest scam in the book. If you were trying to hit on her that was the best you could come up with?! Then to make it even creepier he said if she changed her mind to come find him and he would take her to the back of the store for the exchange. Pretty sure that is how horror movies start! It did not help that he said back of the store. Then to really make Gimpy attracted to him he kept following us everywhere we went in the store. Granted I am not the best at picking up women, still do not know why the Wife wants me, but I do know stalking them around Best Buy with a gift card scam is probably not going to make them fall in love with you, it might get them to file a restraining order! Do not worry Gimpy has a stalker and has a restraining order out! Yep its not a lie because at 15 Gimpy have a creepy 40 year old man follow her home in his pickup... I am surprised he did not offer her free candy and asked if she can help him find his lost puppy.... Do not worry Gimpy would have jumped right in, but I do not think he would have killed her probably just kept her in his basement as sex slave until Gimpy cut off her foot and escaped after 10 years, after her family had lost hope and had her declared legally dead! This is what he looks like! I am not scared at all!
So in our escape from human highlighter winter hat from Best Buy Gimpy had to hop on the back of my chair because she can not run. I had to go as fast as my chair would let me so he would not follow us! In our escape Gimpy got so scared she peed her pants and spit purple ice cream on my head! This is what I get for being nice and letting her stop to get ice cream... I shit you not there were purple dots in my scalp and I was traumatized because I am a germaphobe! Speaking of that the Mom got mad at me today because her son has hand foot and mouth disease, yup some how Gimpy got that too! The Mom got mad when she told me and I texted back "Ahh what the fuck are all you people doing that you keep getting it!" She said I was insensitive to her son. Hello have you met me I am a huge dick, I am sorry I do not want to be exposed to some highly contagious disease that you get from touching shit and touching your mouth or eyes! What are Gimpy and the mom doing with human shit, that all my workers and or their relatives are getting this nasty ass disease! Yes I feel bad for a little child but fuck no I do not want shit disease! I gots to get me a pedicure on Friday! Apparently my toe nails are like sharp daggers and Gimpy is making me get one from her friend that looks like Demi Lovato! The real question is do I go with clear or blue nail polish... pictures and blog post to follow because I am sure something weird will happen while I am with Gimpy! Luckily between my diabetes and poor circulation I can barely feel what is happening to my feet anyway! Also I am not sure what Gimpy was telling her friends about me but apparently they want me to test try acid for her before she flies to Spain! I did smoke two cigarettes at cripple camp when I was 13, got so drunk at the strip club one night that I puked on my worker the next morning and got black out drunk in Vegas to the point I went off on one of the girls and do not remember what I said... Lack of sleep plus lack of food plus Xanax plus lots of alcohol at a Vegas strip club will do that! But I have definitely never have done drugs especially molly or acid! I am pretty sure my lungs would collapse and my heart would explode cause you know a disease that weakens all your muscles might go really well with illegal drugs. Here is a picture of Gimpy and awkward turtle in the third grade... while I was in high school that is not creepy thinking about them working for me now!
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