Even though I'm a jinx, I have a 20 game ticket plan to the Mets this season. Boy what a cluster fuck that is turning out to be. I made the mom cry on the way to the game on Saturday night. What? I thought she missed the exit cuz she was driving too fast. Who would of thought she'd get mad when I said if you weren't driving 90 fucking miles an hour maybe I could have read the exit sign. Luckily our exit was after that one anyways. What? You would be scared too if you got stuck in the ghettos of New York in a 2005 cripple minivan. Shows how rarely I fight with her that just yelling at her made her cry. That conversation is just a typical afternoon with the wife who I fought with earlier in the day. Why? I don't remember. But I don't think I'll be breaking my new bed in with her anytime soon.
Well, truthfully I was really annoyed that day because everyone who currently works for me does not want to seem to work the overnight shifts anymore. Big boobs McGee doesn't want to work overnights because it interferes with her alcoholism and rave schedule. The creepy Canadian is always spazing out about school or at school, the mom is probably helping her child recover from some gross poop disease again or I don't even fucking know. Lets not forget Gimpy who decided to take a 3 week vacation to Spain with a guy she barely knew before he left for 6 months and didn't even want to go but was too cheap to waste her money. But yeah her and awkward turtle decided to be on vacation at the same time during the last week of June. Well, by some miracle I got the wife to do two overnights that week and the mom to do two, I guess her kids poop disease won't be contagious then. But then of course, just when I thought I had it all figured out, the mom has to go to two different doctors appointments during the day on Monday and Tuesday that week and Big Boobs McGee will eventually start doing those shifts every week but she has to go on one last bender first. And you already know I burned too many bridges with people who worked for me in the past to ask them to temporarily fill in for a day or two. So yeah, I freaked out a little bit when awkward turtle asked me to cover her overnight for tonight on Friday night at about 10'oclock. Then I wake up the next morning to hippie love child telling me she can't do the Thursday overnight the week that Gimpy and Turtle aren't here. Hippie love child, you work on average 10 hours a week. Yes to be fair during the school year you're a full time occupational therapy college student from QU that never would want to give up partying and drinking on the weekends. But you really never do any overnights during the school year but I understand your program keeps you busy. However, it is the summer and yes your doing an internship at the psych ward at a hospital in Waterbury (not surprised) but there's no way you are busy every night during the summer. I'm only asking you to do that one Thursday overnight because I have literally no one else to ask. But I should have expected it, this is the girl that is willing to come at 3 to take me to a Mets game at 7pm, but wants to leave when I get back at around midnight, but then wants to work the next day from 9am to 4pm. So you don't want to get paid to sleep? You want to drive home to get about 8 hours of sleep unpaid so you can come back and work 7 more hours? Does this make sense to anyone else? Also, today I was talking to her about when the wife had blonde hair and keep in mind they have met several times, but when I was trying to show her where a picture of the wife was in my room with Blonde hair, she did not recognize her. Um, hippie love child you have seen the wife before correct? Like you actually have eyes that work? But I'm not a hippie love child so what do I know. So yeah, I kind of lost it and texted all my workers that unless they plan on training my cats to take care of me at night, if they are not going to want overnight shifts anymore, then can they recommend someone who might want to work for me? Radio silence, except maybe the mom's stepsister. Now am I surprised? Nah. Whenever they need something I have to drop everything and accommodate or I'm a huge asshole. But when I ask for favors from any of them, I'm lucky if they would call 911 if I was choking to death.
Anyway back to the Mets game, of course they lost because they always lose when I go. After the game though there was a concert with Andy Grammer. Over the public address system, they encouraged fans to move down to the empty seats at the field level. On my way over to one of the cripple sections on the field level there was a drunk douche guy dancing to meet the Mets. Now I know that's a rocking song but right as I get near him he decides to start doing the worm, and if I hadn't stopped at the last second we could have found out if he was perfectly cut in half if he would grow back. If it hadn't been for the drunk nasty bitches with him yelling I probably would have crushed his head. And that's why you don't do the worm at a Mets game. Then as the mom went to move the chain blocking off the entire EMPTY wheelchair section some old geezer seat attendant comes running over yelling "can I see your tickets!" Um first of all they told people to move down because by the time the concert started the stadium was pretty empty. Second of all, there was literally nooobody sitting in that section. I know your still mad at the Japanese for Pearl Harbor and the mom and I are German, but it doesn't mean you have to be a seating Nazi. So after I basically said fuck you to him we try sitting in a different section on the field level that was also empty of wheelchairs and the usher there wasn't going to let us sit there either... luckily his supervisor was there and waved us through. Guys, its a concert after the 8'Oclock baseball game, that didn't even start until 11:30 and half the fans left before the concert even started. On top of that your public address announcer told everyone to move down to the empty field level seats. Is your job that important to you that you can't let a disabled guy and a mom sit in a completely empty wheelchair section for some two-hit wonder concert. No offense to Andy Grammer actually didn't mind what I saw at the show. But I'm definitely more excited for the Styx concert after a game I'm going to in August. Finally, props to the lady who kept having to say ow the whole elevator ride down after I barely backed into her leg on the elevator. Maybe if you weren't a fat piece of shit you could have taken the stairs and then you wouldn't have gotten run over by me. Elevators are for the elderly, those with little children, and the disabled. Everyone else is just a fat lazy piece of shit and that is why the United States is the fattest country in the world! Take the stairs, it will help your type 11 diabetes and burn off some of the calories from the 10 dollar beers you drank and 5 dollar rat, I mean hot dogs you ate. What? The 7 train is right by Citi field and you know instead of pig those hot dogs at the stadium are probably made out of subway rats. And with that beautiful thought, goodnight world! I forgot, check out this sexy photo of me. Now you know how I won the wife over. Yeah they serve french fries in those helmets and then you rinse it out and keep it. I think this one lady thought I was MR and asked me if I wanted it... hell yeah I'll take anything that's free especially if you're feeling sorry for me.
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