What the french toast?

Sorry I haven't been on here in a while, hope you didn't cry too much without me. I've been moving away from writing cuz you know why would I want to do something my mom spent several thousand dollars on for me to go to grad school for while I can do standup comedy for crowds of 8 people for free? Did I mention I make a lot of good life choices? I'm going to put the video of my routine at the Bar I performed at in West Haven last weekend if more than 8 people click and watch it, that will be a bigger crowd than I performed for! Hey at least I sold one of my shirts during my show so I made $20 out of it which is better than I normally do. Plus I met another comedian who performs all over the Northeast and him and his friend might get me some more comedy gigs. I'll also be performing at the Funny Bone in Manchester mall next Tuesday October 4th and I have a show at Comix at Mohegan Sun on Thursday November 17th. Tickets are only $10 you cheap assholes and I have to bring at least 4 people so you better fucking show up. I might perform at Ana Liffey's in New Haven Wednesday if I can find a ride. Or I might perform in Middletown on Thursday if I'm feeling brave. Apparently the place in Middletown doesn't have a ramp but they're willing to try to pick my fat ass up in my chair. But uh my chair with me in it is almost 500 pounds so I don't know if its a good idea to try it. Here's the link to my Mohegan Show in November http://comixcomedy.com/event.cfm?cart&id=459118 buy tickets assholes.

I bombed pretty bad last week at Bar80 in North Branford. The problem was that I was performing at a bar and it was the first time they were having a comedy open mic. So most of the people there were there for the bar, not the open mic. Also, being a cripple with one retarded lung I can only talk so loud.  So yeah, basically nobody was listening to what I was saying and if anybody was they sure as fuck weren't laughing at my jokes. Plus, because I can only talk so loud nobody could really hear what I was saying anyways. The biggest laugh I got was at the end when I said fuck all of you you've been terrible. The only thing that came out of it was I met the love of my life haha.  It was some blonde girl who I thought was named Chelsea that helped me get in the bar. She told me she works as an engineer and she also sang at the open mic. I thought I found her on fb but it was a different chick. This chick was a hot blonde named Chelsea too. But of course she has a boyfriend or so she says. I just think she can't handle what a fine piece of ass I am. I mean come on I'm 31 have two basically maxed out credit cards and paypal credit maxed out and I live with my mom with no real job to speak of. I'm a fucking catch. I'm gunna make her read this so she can see what she's missing out on haha. Anyway,  I'm going to have to write one of those missed connections on Craigslist to find the girl I met at the bar.

I got offered two free nights at the MGM in Las Vegas so since the last time I was really happy was when I went there on my 30th birthday, I'm going back February 6-9th. Sure I have to fly JFK to Vegas on Jetblue because for some stupid reason Crapnetticut doesn't have any direct flights in February, but it's totally worth it. I mean yeah, if my mom and sister don't pay for my worker and I's flights for Christmas I'll probably have to start making cripple porn or become wheels the male exotic dancer, but its Vegas so its worth it. I will also be selling pretty much every possession I own that I've been holding on to that is hopefully worth money so if you want any random sports teams television movie or music memorabilia, hit me up I probably have it. Sure I can probably get a job to save up between now and February but that would be the mature, responsible thing to  do... so yeah that probably won't happen. So look for Bob does Bridgeport coming to the Adult dvd store near you soon.

Here's a video of a cripple telling jokes... damn he's funny and good looking.