Crazy Weekend

Yeah I had a weird weekend. Friday was a huge cluster fuck so I’ll write about that in a minute. First let me start with yesterday aka Saturday. Despite it being shitty outside, I went to my first Mets game of the season. I have a 20 game ticket plan so I can’t avoid the bad weather forever. Of course they lost, of course it rained on my worker and I the whole time, of course it was windy and cold where we were sitting, but that wasn’t even the worst part. Of course since I sit in the cheap seats, I get every drunken asshole sitting next to me. Of course, for this game he was sitting right next to me. Granted I wasn’t sitting in my normal seats, because when I got there two people were already in them, and the rest of the section was empty at the time. So I just sat further down the row. Then that drunken asshole showed up after that, and do you think there was ever anybody that worked there around when I needed them? Of course not! All his friends and him were screaming things that they only thought were funny the whole game, but luckily I heard him say that he hadn’t been to a Mets game in a while, so hopefully I’ll never see him again. I wanted to take a video of how annoying he was but my worker was being a bitch and wouldn’t let me. Even after him and some random guy shit talked me while she was in the bathroom. First of all, I love it when people assume I’m retarded and I don’t know what they’re saying about me, despite me sitting right there. Um yeah asshole I can hear you. And you will be getting blasted in my blog and comedy routines. The one dude basically congratulated the other one for having the balls to sit in the handicap seats despite not being handicapped, and said at least you’re aware enough to enjoy using them. Since it was raining I had a blanket over my controller and other electronics to keep them from shorting out in the rain, yes I will admit it looks bad draped over the screen that serves as the power source for my chair, but the one guy told the drunk guy it looks like I had an erection for whoever was at bat at the time. Yeah I’m starting to see why the terrorists always attack in New York! Too soon? On the way out I was going to tell him I enjoyed fucking his mom with that huge erection last night, but literally that was the only time I saw a security guard out there all day, plus my worker was having a stroke when I told her I was going to say that. This was drunk asshole when he got home from the game last night:

 On the way into the stadium, I could hear that the game was about to start so I was rushing my worker to get in there fast, plus I wanted my matt Harvey garden gnome, which I didn’t get, and I’m still crying about, and my worker totally ate shit on the way in. I guess she was running over really wet bricks, and totally took a header, with probably about a hundred people in line watching it. Being the nice person that I am, instead of asking her if she was okay, instead I yelled, ‘’WHAT THE FUCKARE YOU DOING” which I feel bad about now I guess, but when she was falling she grabbed my arm I drive with, luckily for both of us my hand didn’t get stuck on the controller and run her and a bunch of strangers over. 

This is what I imagined her falling looked like:

Then on the way home, for whatever brilliant reason, the state of New York decided to do construction the same weekend the Mets are playing at home on the Whitestone Bridge, and of course I have to take that bridge to get home. I left the game early, yeah I know I’m a fake fan, but they lost anyway, I mean we literally sat in traffic from the stadium until the exit for the bridge which is only a few miles away for two hours. I live an hour and a half to two hours from Citi Field, and it took four hours for us to get home. Okay, 20 minutes of that time was spent at McDonalds because my fat ass was hungry, and I was mourning that the Mets lost!

Butt fuck you Whitestone Bridge!

 

That was nothing though; my Friday night was the Titanic to my Saturday Hindenburg! Why? Because I didn’t learn from the mistake I made hiring bitch face, when I said I wasn’t going to hire any more ghetto trash bitches! Bitch face and her used to be friends but way before they ever worked for me, but still I should have known better! So yeah anyways ghetto trash bitch (GTB) is now gone. I should have done it a long time ago because she was way too ghetto, and always causing drama with my other workers. I already put up with the ex wife’s bullshit, I’m not putting up with another. Long story short, she was supposed to be here at 5pm on Friday, but I was worried she wasn’t going to show because I told her at the last minute not to come in for the Thursday overnight shift, and then when the girl who usually picks up overnights didn’t show up, she suddenly wasn’t available to come in even though she had been an hour before, because she always did things out of spite. I shouldn’t have been surprised I mean this was the same girl that didn’t show up, when she promised she’d be here the whole time during a snow storm, but instead my mom had to take care of me for 31 hours while clearing the driveway and sidewalk in front of my house. Then three days later she told me at 2pm she was not only not coming in for 5pm, but she quit, only to come back two weeks later, after she admitted she had only quit to, “teach me a lesson.” Well here’s a lesson now GTB, you’re fired! Good luck getting someone else to put up with your crazy bullshit. Of course she stressed me out when she wasn’t returning my texts Friday afternoon to confirm she was still coming Friday night, I then texted all of my workers in a group and individual texts, saying I was worried she wasn’t going to show up because I haven’t heard from her. I was going to be home alone at least from 3:30 -5pm so if they didn’t hear from me by 6pm, to please come check on me because my mom was gone for the night. She then finally responded that she will be there at 5… sure if by 5 she really meant 6 because that’s when she really showed up and did she text my mom, my other workers, or me to tell me that? Of course not! So yeah I was pissed because I thought she was telling everyone she was going to show up, and then not really show up, so I would be home alone from 3:30pm to midnight, and no one would know I was alone because they all thought she was coming at 5. She finally shows up at 6 half ass apologizes for being an hour late, GTB you live in Meriden. Even with traffic it does not take an hour to get to Cheshire, also despite being an hour late you still managed to stop at Dunkin Donuts when you carry that cup of coffee from there into my house! And she gets offended when I tell her that I’m going to have someone else take the overnight because I was too pissed off at her to spend the next 18 hours with her. She started screaming, “ Why did you give away all of my hours?’’ umm, Thursday overnights aren’t hers the normal girl was on vacation so I could assign them to whoever I want, and yeah I don’t want you around Friday overnights when you are going to start drama with me and all of my workers, when Friday night is a shift that they all signed up for anyways. This is not what GTB looks like, but its pretty close!

Did I mention for some reason, her 45 year old ghetto boyfriend, and she’s 27 was hanging out in my house with her, for some reason? Not sure if they were trying to intimidate me but I’m not scared of anyone. The best part is she claimed he was her ride. First of all, he owns a car dealership supposedly why did you only have one car? Second, lots of people get rides to and from my house for work, but their rides don’t stay at my house with them! Didi mention when I did my show last week in Mass. He came with us, when were at the show he got incredibly drunk on at least 10 beers, which GTB admitted to at the time and later tried to deny, so he was still too drunk to drive home and awkwardly spent the night at my house. Yeah the guest bedroom has been fumigated since that night. Do you think she asked if he could spend the night at my house? Hell no. She knew I would have said no! she still had the nerve to get mad when I told her don’t let my mom see some random old guy walking around our house when she gets up in the morning. Plus GTB bf oringinally offerd to buy me a drink and my friend, but then blew all his money on booze so later on when him and GTB wanted food of their own, they made my friend pay for it, and he is too nice to say no! She then claimed that he had 5,000 in his pocket to pay for it. If that’s true, then why are you running around in one piece of shit car between the two of you, ripping off one of the other girls of 50 dollars you were supposed to pay her of watching your kids? I ended up paying her 50 dollars out of my own pocket, and the only reason you gave it back to me was because I called you out on it in front of everyone because this happened a month ago. Oh and why did you ask the girl who trained you one day after meeting you to borrow 300 dollars? Yeah your boyfriend has 5,000 in his pocket so that’s why you asked a stranger to borrow 300 dollars. And, even if he did have 5 grand in his pocket, it’s not from selling cars, it’s from selling something else. Gee, I wonder what you sell a lot of that is a cash only business!?! When you live in a ghetto apartment in Meriden, and have to carry around that much cash because you cant get a bank account for sketchy reasons or you don’t want to draw attention to your bank account for sketchy reasons! The best part is last night she asks one of my workers that she is always shit talking to fill out her last couple of timesheets so she doesn’t have to come here again. Yeah that got no response and despite what you and bitch face say I will still pay you for the hours that you worked… but hey at least now you guys could be friends and shit talk me and make up more lies. Sadly, people who are raised poorly either becomes the people who raised them or do everything they can not to be them. GTB, you are exactly the trash who raised you, and sadly I feel sorry for your two daughters because considering all you threaten to do is beat their asses, there is pretty much no chance of them not becoming trash like you! Maybe I should tell DCF about this, and the lovely photos you sent me which are pictured below! Have a nice life! Your pal, in Christ, Robert A. Held!!!

Five Famous People Who Were Catfished

I'm writing this because I'm too stupid to think of anything original to write right now. Plus I've noticed lately that my blog posts get over 100 views each, which is sadly way better than my comedy shows or youtube videos. I'm assuming it's just bitchface and her posse reading it for the most part, but hey, somebody out there is reading it. Even though Easter is over because I'm writing this after midnight, he was resurrected so big boobs mcgee could post pictures of her getting obliterated using every snapchat filter to show it, today I present five famous people who were catfished. Number one takes a shocking twist!

5. Chris "Birdman" Andersen- Okay, so I just watched the 20/20 on this and it's fucked up. Basically this social media hoe, whose only famous for being a social media hoe, thought she was talking to/ in a relationship with NBA player and then Denver Nuggett, Chris "Birdman" Andersen. He was sending her selfies, pics of his dog and house, and eventually bought her a plane ticket to meet him in Denver. I was waiting for the twist to be that when she showed up in Denver it wasn't him, but it actually was him that picked her up at the airport. After they spent the weekend together, probably playing board games and discussing politics, just kidding they were fucking each others brains out. She flew home and started being a hoe with a different NBA player, Blake Griffin. Did I mention this hoe was only 17 at the time? Even though she was telling everyone she was 21. How she got on an airplane with a fake birthday I don't want to know. Anyway, Andersen's best friend, who also turned out to be fake, started going crazy that she was hanging out with Blake Griffin now, and Andersen got an email from the hoe's mom supposedly saying since you banged my underage daughter, and have naked photos of her, I'm going to ruin your name unless you pay me. The fucked up part is Andersen had his lawyer send her $3,000 through Paypal. The fucked up part is Andersen and the hoe, the best friend of Andersen, and the hoe's mom were really a 33 year old shut in with five teeth who lived in a trailor on an Indian Reservation five hours outside of Winnipeg Canada. Police don't know how she got the hoe and Andersen's number, but she would basically pose as the other one and all texts would go through her before she sent them to the person they really thought they were talking too. Needless to say she went to jail for extortion and distributing child pornography. In Canada, she got one year in jail and 3 years probation and can't use the internet without permission. Even though she looks like she's 13, she's actually older than I am. And found some guy that looks like he would fuck bitchface to marry her. No bitchface that's not a compliment, total hoodrat trash! She seemed real remorseful about it when the reporter asked her if she felt bad for making him get cut by Denver, and lose out on almost two years of his career, she said " so did he get to come back to the NBA and still win the title?" And the reporter said yes with the Miami Heat. Her response was "then cry me a river". Yeah, maybe she's the one related to bitchface, lets think about this. They are both shut ins who rarely leave the house, don't have jobs because they have to take care of their crazy ass mothers and would lose out on government benefits, have horrible teeth, and look like 12 year old boys. Yep, sounds like they're related. Also, special shout out to the crazy bitch that catfished everyones mom for being so fat she had to be taken in on an ambulance stretcher when her daughter was on trial. I'm not making this up look it up.

4. Manti Te'o- Okay, this was awhile ago and he's been a shitty NFL player, yet another overrated Notre Dame player, so if you haven't heard of him that's what he's famous for. Apparently, even though I think he did it for publicity and attention, he was dating this girl while he was at Notre Dame. Right before his senior year, I forget now if she died in a supposed car accident or from from cancer, but either way, he thought she died. Then, him and Notre Dame Football dedicated their season to her and said they were inspired to play well because of her. Well, either right before or right after the season ended, it turns out this girl wasn't even real and didnt die of anything. Dude, you never met her or saw her in person, but you thought you guys were in a serious relationship? Also,  you were a famous football player at Notre Dame, why are you settling for an online relationship with a girl? Best part of all, turns out the girl he was talking to was actually a guy! I have three theories about this, not that I care but  he's either secretly gay and doesn't want to admit it, or he knew it was fake, but was already in too deep and didn't want to admit it, or he's just really fucking dumb! Being a college football player, it could easily be any of those.

3. Nev Schulman- Yeah, I know I'm lame for doing this one because everyone already knows about it, but before Catfish was a TV show on MTV, it was a movie documentary where Nev was the victim of the catfish. Watch it, it's actually funny/ really interesting, and a little sad to be honest. Before he was famous for the MTV show he was a photographer/ artist, who somehow had a girl that became obsessed with some of his published work and kept sending him fan mail. She then added him on Facebook and acted like she was this really hot girl in her 20's. Nev thought after awhile they were in a relationship, even though they never met in person. Well, turns out when he finally tracked her down in person, she was some fat middle aged woman from the middle of nowhere who was married with three children. I know I'm being a dick but Nev, you look like a hairy caveman, did you really think this hot chick was talking to you. I mean, I get why the fat old lady did it.she lived in the middle of nowhere on a farm with her husband whose IQ had to be around 70 and raise a young daughter and two disabled sons. This was probably the highlight of her life. That's why it was a little sad despite being funny and interesting.

2. Thomas Gibson- I don't know who this guy is but I'm told he's an actor from Dharma & Greg and Criminal Minds, two TV shows I've never watched. Okay I did watch Criminal Minds after the Superbowl one year when it was a special two part episode, but it was only because Cheshire's own James Van Der Beek was in it. He played a serial killer with multiple personality disorder, it's as good as it sounds. Nothing says dead like Dawson playing a crazy serial killer. Anyway, back to Gibson. Here's what happened when he was catfished.... Gibson couldn’t resist cheating on his wife with a sexy girl he met online. As it turns out, the relationship was just as fake as the images...which she stole from a porn website. While the catfisher was never revealed, Gibson caught on. According to the catfisher, she was served with notice from his lawyers never to contact him again after he discovered that he was duped. She then released a video of him in a hottub as blackmail. Sounds like a classy dude.

1. Jeremy Allen White aka Lip Gallagher from Shameless aka me!- I told you number one had a twist. Okay, so I stopped doing this a year ago, and wrote a post about it then, but I had to delete it because I was getting a lot of shit from crazy internet trolls and I didn't wanna be the next star of the Investigation Discovery show The Internet Got Me Murdered. Okay thats not a show yet but it will be. I did this for a year, but only actively for the last six months. The reason I picked him is because the real guy doesn't actually have any social media accounts, so I knew when people looked him up, they would come across my twitter. I got over 3,000 followers and the scary part was how easily people believed they were really talking to Jeremy. People legitimately gave me their phone numbers, addresses, sent me fan mail, offered me acting roles, and wanted to buy merchandise, or know where they could meet me. Luckily I'm not as creepy or psycho as other people on this list. But this was one fucked up social experiment that I took too far. But jeez was it interesting. Seeing how easily regular people can get fooled, I understand why famous people have been catfished too. But here's a little common sense advice. If you think you're talking to someone famous on social media, it is NOT them unless they have the blue verified check by their name. Or as I learned a long time ago, if you think it's too good to be true it is. Now that  my internet trolls will come back, I'll go roll under a rock that I came out from.

Upcoming shows if you want to throw rotten food at me

Tuesday 4/18 @ Dante's Bar and Restaurant in Stratford CT- free to get in jsut purchase food and drink and please come support me because if I come in first or second I win money that I desperately need and get to perform in the finals in May.
Monday 4/24 Choice New Haven @ Trinity Bar- free to get in but come support me and like my instgram photo on their page because again if i come in first or second i win money i desperately need and have a chance to win $500 during the final show on 5/1.
5/2 Dangerfield Comedy Club in NYC @8:30pm- tix are $15 bucks and must be purchased at the door. I need to bring three people and this is only my second time performing in NYC so I would appreciate the support.
5/4& 5/11- Comix Mohegan Sun @ 10 pm. Tix start at $10 and can be purchased on the Comix Mohegan Sun website, I need to bring 4-5 people so please buy your tickets now.
Those are all the shows I can think of for now hopefully I'll add more soon.

Glorious

No I won't give in, I won't give in, 'til I'm victorious.. if you don't get this you probably aren't a wrestling fan. Therefore kill yourself (just kidding please don't) but I'm not sure why you are reading my blog still. Surprisingly this entry has nothing to do with wrestling right now!

Let me start off by saying these are my opinions, and this is not meant to piss anyone but bitch face off. I had a comedy show I performed at on Monday in New Haven at Trinity Bar, you know whats sad? I've only been doing comedy for seven months, and I know I'm sounding conceited but out of the ten contestants, myself included and the four hopefully paid acts that were there, I feel as though I was in the top three out of all of them. Know whats even sadder the top two contestants won money, and I was not one of them. Saddest part is I'm going back on April 24th. Oh the things I will do to try and win $25 or $50. In my defense, if I make it to the final show on May 1st I can win up to $500. Not that I will. Because how do I beat a guy singing a A Capella version of the National Anthem? The guys that run it are awesome, and so are the judges for the most part. The problem is after it goes on, and everyone gets drunker and drunker. The show rolls on forever. The first one I did was three hours. The one I did on Monday was four. So on the 24th, I will probably be out until 1 am. Truthfully, only two of the contestants performing on Monday were awful, and I mean AWFUL! I have done a ton of open mics with first time performing comedians, and I preformed in front of crowds of tens of people, but these were the two worst acts I have ever saw! I don't even know if I would call them performances. It might be insulting to others. Lets just call them train wrecks.

I'm fully going to take the wrath if people get mad at me for this, and I hope it doesn't effect any future performances I have. But first up of the train wrecks was Mary Cassella. The Choice New Haven was a singing/ comedy showcase. Not gonna lie i was excited to see Mary perform at first, because she looks like Avril Lavegne, who i oddly find attractive, and she looks like she would be a good singer, nah fuck all that, shes just really hot! As you can tell by this picture...
 


Unfortunately looks is all there was to this performance. First of all I don't know how drunk or what drugs she was on, but if she ever sees this I highly recommend you stop immediately! I creep your Instagram, and you were smoking hot and a model, and now you live in Bridgeport, carry around a skateboard everywhere you go, and your guitar player/ possible boyfriend looks like Zelda, so I don't think things are looking good for you these days. She started by telling jokes that weren't funny and made no sense, before she went into an original song, that she forgot the words to and was so fucked up she kept dropping the papers that the words were written on. So I couldn't remember what she was saying, but she kept saying the lyrics over and over again about twenty times at least! As one of the judges put it everyone who performs gets a five just for coming, so that judge gave her a five! To put it in better perspective, I got four 9's from the judges. Also when the judges were giving her her scores, she yelled angel dust is a hell of a drug, sadly I don't think she was kidding.
 

After that disaster, I thought it couldn't get any worse. But oh it did! I already knew we were in trouble when the host said it was this guy's first ever performance. Plus look at this picture they used for him...
 


John Mayer is a douche, so maybe David is related to him. I mean they both are from Connecticut! This guy went up there so drunk he could barely walk or talk, then o top it off he too of course forgot all of his jokes. So he literally kept telling the same three jokes for 90% of his act. One joke was about gay sex, one was about waking up with a condom hanging out his ass, and the third one was about there being different kinds of rape. Hilarious shit in 2017. Yup, it sounds as retarded as it was. I tried to be supportive and not share my opinion while people are performing, because i haven't been performing that long and I don't want to be heckled either. Yeah, but this fucker deserved it. I couldn't help it, his three jokes weren't funny, and were boarder line offensive. After he decided to tell the judges that he used the same hand that he used to shake theirs, to jerk off right before the show, I had enough! I don't know if anyone heard or understood me, but I yelled as loud as I could, YOU SUCK I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING RAPED LISTENING TO THIS! After he got his awful scores, he told the female judge, oh you, you must have gave me a bad score because you are a rape baby! Yeah dude funny shit, I hope someone kicked your ass in the parking lot on the way out! You are to comedy what John Mayer is to music.

Today has been a train wreck almost as bad as those two performances were! I was awoken around 12:45 PM to my cat frantically meowing and trying to get into my room. At first he was being a fat jerk or so I thought, but i think he knew I was in trouble! Fast forward to 1:00PM and my mom comes storming in the house to tell me I've been home alone sleeping for who knows how long by myself! The overnight girl left at 7AM and the next girl was coming in from 7-10AM. I thought the ex wife was coming in at 10AM, but of course she texted me at 3Am to tell me she didn't feel good. However in her defense, she told the girl who was here from 7-10 am that, and that girl made it sound like she would stay until 5PM when the next person was coming in. This all happened after no one showed up for the Tuesday overnight shift, the ex wife told me she would work today from 10AM to 9PM, so I told the 5-9 girl not to come, and then she tells me at 3AM I can only stay until 5PM, and then doesn't even show up at 10AM. Yeah so my mom and I were a little pissed off! Why the girl that was here from 7-10AM thought it was okay to leave someone who is psychically unable to get himself up, dressed, and into his wheelchair sleeping in bed with his C-PAP Mask on by himself, when she has no idea what time the next person was coming in, I had no idea! As it is I never showered today, so this poor girl writing this could smell my horrible smell the whole time I'm writing this haha! At least two of the other girls that work for me realized I was sleeping at home alone and called my mom. Yeah I know I talk a lot of shit about them on here, but they're not all bad. and they do care about me. There's only a few that actually do suck. Did i mention she came back around 1:15 for some reason. Special shout out to my mom for screaming at her in front of the whole neighborhood. I didn't know my mom had it in her. I haven't seen her that mad since she threw a chair at my dad's car when i was a kid. Of course to top it off the ex wife came in at 1:30 and originally told my mom she would stay til 9 when the overnight girl got here... but the ex wife's not happy unless shes stressing me out and causing problems. First she said she could stay til 9 because she didn't feel good, then it was because she had to pack for a trip that shes not leaving for for another week, and of course she tells me this right after my mom leaves. Well after that I'm sure as hell not telling my mom nobody will be here again for two hours. So at the last minute I actually get one of the other girls to agree to work 7-9.. or so i thought haha. Robert plans and people laugh! Of course she had no problem showing up at 5 to pick up her check, and immediately accused me of not paying her properly when her other check doesn't even come until tomorrow. No wonder she used to be friends with bitch face!Oh and did I mention she was the one who didn't show up for the overnight on Tuesday. She told me she would be here 7-9 but of course backed out at 6:30 even though she had been here to pick up her check. Luckily the ex wife stayed until 7:30, and my friend hung out with me from 8-9 when the the overnight girl got here.. holy fuck, someone showed up, and on time!

Hi bitch face, and a special shout out to your friends and family who used to send me all those lovely text messages and the cops showed up so you bitched out. Too bad I was looking forward to seeing your fat ass arrested/deported! I can hear you now OH MY GOODNESS... WHY U SO OBSESSED WIT ME.. oh honey no, I don't have a thing for a girl that looks like they're Ronald McDonald's daughter, who did too many drugs so their bastard child came out retarded and all you have to look forward to is smoking weed, sleeping, collecting SSI, and living in your section 8 house until the government kicks you out.

Here's a small clip from my performance Monday.

Upcoming shows;
Tomorrow at Cabot Comedy Club @ 10 pm in Mass, tickets are $10 and could be purchased online or at the door.
4/18- Dantes Restaurant and Bar in Stratford, CT is free to go. Just got to buy food/drink. The more people who show up for me, the better chance I have of winning.
4/24- The Choice New Haven at 8PM at Trinity Bar. If you cant make it, at least like my photo by following the choice new haven all one word on Instagram and clicking like on my photo. The more votes I have the better chance I have of winning.Free to go!
5/1- If I make it that is the night of the Choice Finals. Read the book for all the details.
5/2- Dangerfield Comedy Club in NYC @8PM. Tickets are $15. Purchase them at the door.
I also know I have two shows at Comix Mohegan Sun on two Thursdays in May at 10PM. Tickets start at $10. Could be purchased online on the Comix website.

I'm sexy and I know it. I also framed copies of this photo, and will sell them for $10 plus an official Robert Held stamp autograph

TextGate

Since you all loved the last list I made so much... admit it... I decided to make another one. Here are five wrestlers that are complete assholes in real life, but most fans still love them anyway.. Not me, def not me, I hate everyone, even you you fucking asshole for reading this. In fact I'm surprised the girl typing this with me agreed to come back to work for me! I will get to that after this fantastic list... Here it is;

5. Al Snow, I saw on YouTube that he admitted in some book about wrestling that he hates wrestling fans. Hey asshole do you realize you would not be rich and famous and nobody would give a flying fuck about you if it weren't for wrestling. I mean you do work for impact now so that probabaly means you are broke or on the brink of bankruptcy. Working for impact is basically like wrestling hell anyway, so yeah, but fans will always love him because he was an original ECW guy, and those fans see no wrong in anything that an original ECW because they must forget that Chris Benoit was in ECW at one time...

4. Bubba Ray Dudley, also a huge asshole that basically tells any fan that comes up to him that he doesn't give a fuck about them. Literally, Devon Dudley his tag team partner once told a story about a fan coming up to him saying how much he admired Bubba, and Bubba's response was, " YOU HONESTLY THINK I GIVE A FUCK?" But he's another ECW guy. So for some reason people still like him. Having heard that story about him I will make sure to run him over if I ever see him and when he yells at me for it I'll say, "DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I GIVE A FUCK?" But with all the hardcore matches hes fought in, he will barely be able to walk or wipe his own ass in 10 years so i guess that's karma!

3. Randy Orton, yeah I like him too, even though I hate to admit it. But anyone who got thrown out of the military and forced by WWE to enter rehab has to be a fucking raging asshole, think about the numerous wife beaters, alcoholics, murderers, and drug addicts WWE has employed over the years without forcing them to go to rehab? Also, did you know how desperate the armed services are for people, if Randy Orton got thrown out, I don't even want to know what he did! All that being said, he still gets some of the loudest applause at the WWE shows I go to. He even looks like an angry prick!

2. Shawn Michaels, people fucking love this guy and I don't understand why. He will admit during the 90's he was a huge raging asshole to work with because he was a drug addict/ alcoholic! He also ruined the career of guys like Shane Douglas in WWE, and he tried to ruin Bret Hart's marriage at that time. Kind of ironic coming from a guy who would screw anything with a vagina at that moment in time! He also gave up a title once because he " lost his smile." Now that hes sober he is one of those Jesus freaks who acts like their so great because they're super religious. I'm pretty sure a guy who in the 90's posed butt ass naked in a magazine constantly showed his dick and ass to crowds and asked girls to flash him should not be giving people lectures on morality. Shawn I'm glad you're sober now, but I don't understand why fans still go crazy every time you show up when they all know that guy who "lost his smile" is just waiting right below the surface to return!

1. Brock Lesnar, I CANT FUCKING STAND THIS GUY! First of all, he openly admits he hates gay people. Second, WWE pays him 6 million dollars a year to show up 6 times a year, and he acts like a cocky prick the whole time hes there. For some reason WWE decided to have him end the Undertakers undefeated streak at WrestleMania, despite his hardly ever being around. He purposely busted open Randy Ortons head at summer slam last year just so the match would be short, and oh yeah, most of his matches are about 5-10 minutes long, and consists of him doing the same three moves over and over again, because he was so bad ass in real life he fought in UFC and won. So he must be indestructible. Ask Ronda Rousey how that worked out for her? The best part is he is a dick, Vince McMahon knows hes a dick, Paul Heyman knows hes a dick, hell even Brock knows hes a dick, and so do the fans but they still go ape shit the six times a year he appears to fight for 5 minutes. FUCK YOU BROCK LESNAR! I pray to any higher power that one day some crazy wrestler comes along and accidentally on purpose knocks you the fuck out! Also how is this dickhead married to Sable? Maybe shes a bitch too, and if so my childhood would be ruined!

Now to the fun part. Apparently I have a stalker, or someone who is so obsessed with me and I wronged so badly that they need to send me between 8 and 17 text messages every morning to tell me what a terrible person I am. I hate to tell them but I know I'm an asshole, and Ive pissed a lot of people off in my 31 years rolling around on this Earth. The best part is they didn't admit who they are. so being the prick I am, here are the top three suspects complete with names and pictures. You want to come after the king of the crips you better not miss!

Suspect 3...Brieanna Andrea Cox aka Bobby a stripper at Hollywood Strip Club in Southington,CT.

The story; now I haven't even been inside of that strip club since October 2015, mostly because I'm broke as hell, but also because I'm trying to avoid her psychotic ass! See back in the day i used to go see her a couple times a month, and I would always get VIP dances from her until my mom was smart enough to cut me off! See this poor girl had to work there every night to support her boyfriend and hers terrible coke habit. Im guessing from all the sniffling and running into the bathroom she used to do. Literally this girl was there every night. My sources tell me now though that she got a new boyfriend. finallly got smart enough to trade up to a rich sugar daddy so now she hardly works there anymore. My breaking point with her was after buying her a few gifts, and spending mad money on her to get VIPs she promised me one year that she would meet/stay with me at Mohegan Sun for my birthday. My own fault for beliving a drug addict stripper because of course she no showed, and several months later posted photos on Facebook of her out to dinner with another "customer" and her excuse to me was well he spent tons of money on me.... bitch so did I! So when i called her out for her bullshit on Facebook, she got mad at me for exposing the real her to all her customers. Shes had it out for me ever since. But i haven't even talked to her in a year. So why she randomly decides to bitch me out now I am not sure... which leads to..

Suspect 2.. Hannah Tomolonius also works at Hollywood and is apparently a good friend of suspect 3

The story; I previously wrote about in a blog post back in November or December of 2016, I'm being lazy, and the girl who is typing this is terrible at it / deaf so in order to save time go back and read it. Here's a quick summary... Last summer I was drunk practically every day thanks to the ex wife! One day in my drunken brilliance I decided to DM this bitch on Instagram.  How i found her and why I did this, I don't know. Basically i told her if she sent me a bad pics/videos, I would send her money. Which was fine at first. I started it, after a while though, she got pushy and demanding. She was just sending them without me asking and then demanded money for them. When i finally said no, she freaked out and said she cared about me so much and did so much for me. Did i mention, I never actually met this bitch in person, because she was "too shy" to meet. Fast forward a month later after i cut her off and Hollywood Strip Club in Southington,CT is posting pictures of her as a stripper on their Instagram account. After i saw that i posted some of the photos she sent me in my blog, so thats why she would have it out for me. I havent talked to her since November and she blocked me on all social media accounts which leads me to the prime suspect....


Suspect 1. Cynthia Rodriguez aka Bitchface aka Ronald McDonalds daughter and / or her father

Just read my blog from January to February if you want a million reasons why its her or someone she knows. I'm leaning more towards her father because the texts make it sound a retarded child was talking to me. Being the crazy, welfare collecting, mental patient, felon that he is that would be his way of talking. Not to mention the texts have a religious theme to them. Constantly telling me that I am the devils son. If i was religious I guess I would be insulted by that, but I'm not, don't get mad at me religious people. Believe whatever you want. Just don't try to force me into believing it. I also find it very ironic that bitch face and her family are religious people considering what horrible quality lives they live. Why is it the biggest pieces of shit are always the most religious? Oh wait, I know why because they use religion as a way to justify all of the horrible shit they do. You know who else does that, cult leaders, and people like Charles Manson!

Honestly, who ever is doing this, it really doesn't bother me, even though you probably think it does. Or at least have the balls to admit who you are, I don't hide anything that I say or do! You can hide behind apps like Text Now and Text Me that's fine, but I hope you now know the cops are involved since you had to get extra psycho and starts threatening me. The only person that's going to make me their bitch is Miley Cyrus or Bayley from WWE! As much as I look forward to the early morning texts, and "what you have in store for me" I've just had enough of these games! With that being said, my workers will be sleeping with knives under their pillows at night haha just kidding..... or am I?

Finally, if I'm ever a wrestler, not that I could be, but if I am I want this to be my entrance. It's like watching Jesus wrestle. He is possibly my new favorite wrestler of all time