I'm Feeling 32

 

So yeah it was just recently my birthday, so I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 32… Take that doctors who said I wouldn’t live till 3. This is a fucked up joke, but I haven’t done any comedy shows lately so I’ll try it out on here. Sometimes I secretly wonder when somebody I grew up with passes away and other people see me still posting on social media if they are surprised I’m still alive and kicking. I mean I get it, I’m kind of an asshole and a dick, and I hate probably 98% of the people I have encountered in my life. But whatever, I’m still rolling so I guess I’m here for a reason.  But despite hiring what I thought would be better people to work for me… yeah it just seems to be getting worse! 

 

Hire the fat unattractive girl they said, she will be a good worker because she has a kid and is more responsible they said. Well, in the words of Paul Hayman, “OH NO NO NO.” Not only did she show up to work only when she felt like it, but she was a pathological liar and stole $350 from me. Unfortunately, I did not realize this until I recently went to purchase something and more money was missing than I realized. However, it gets better because not only can the cop who came here not arrest her for anything because they technically paid me the $150 I thought they only had originally stole, but he can’t even get a hold of the fat bitch or her mom. To try and get my money back by seeing if they have a soul, but considering they stole money from a cripple, I would say probably not going to happen. They told me I could sue them in small claims court, but after the bullshit I went through with Vinny Beedle and the $100 it costs just to file a claim; it’s not even worth it. So guess who gets it up the ass again… This Cripple!!

Speaking of fat delusional idiots... yes I’m referring to Vinny Beedle, the night  before my birthday, I found two more people who think they can lie, cheat, and steal their way through life because they’re too cracked out and lazy  to make an honest living.  Yeah Vinny you fat piece of shit go ahead and sue me for slandering the character you don’t have! I blocked you on social media because I got tired of you asking me to do your crappy shows in NYC at noon, the day of when the show was at 5, and you wanted me to bring 5 people to pay $20 a ticket. Also suing for libel and slander it’s something famous people do when news outlets purposely report false information about them. Despite what your mom thinks and what your dad told you before he went to buy cigarettes and never came back home, you’re not famous, you never will be famous, and you’re about as funny as somebody sharting in their pants! 

 

This leads me to Saturday night when I received this text message from a former worker. 

Yes, I could be an asshole and say and write a lot of mean things to the people that work for me. But this was so out of nowhere that at first I thought she was fucking with me because it was almost my birthday. I mean this bitch had a Britney meltdown like 2008… I was half waiting for her to come here with a shaved head and an umbrella to attack my minivan. I was going to film it and sell it to stringer. Seriously this bitch needed to be strapped down and taken away in an ambulance for “exhaustion” like Britney was. Hire this one they said, “You were friends with her husband growing up.” They said. She’s unattractive and a mom of 4… “She’s responsible, “they said… But in the words of Paul Hayman, “OH NO NO NO.” So here’s the story since I know they’re talking shit about me on social media anyways. Keep in mind this story was told to me by the crazy bitch herself. A couple weeks ago when she was supposedly in the bathroom and her husband was supposedly watching videos on YouTube… AKA she was taking a leak because she drank  too much (seriously she reeks like booze half the time she was here and texted me twice accidentally instead of her husband to ask what I wanted from the package store) and her husband was probably whacking it to porn on the computer. Their 2 year old child got out of the house and was playing in the middle of the road that they live on which is a busy street in my town. After two cars almost hit him, they called 911 and the police came pounding on the door to ask why they weren’t aware that their two year old was playing in the middle of the road? Why did neither one of them nor their other three children notice this went on for several minutes, I don’t know. I thank god everyday that I’m not a parent, and I know it is difficult raising kids but how the fuck did that happen? Now because their shitty, irresponsible parents, and they were saying fucked up shit to me in a group text with all of my other workers to prove it, yes I said the following, yes I’m a dick and an asshole, but no I’m not denying it… I said too bad your kid didn’t get hit by those cars! Why? Because maybe it would have taught them to stop being shitty, selfish, alcoholic parents, and teach them how-to take better care of their children. I mean it cut deep because the husband started Facebook messaging me saying he was going to come over and the wife was still texting my other workers up to three hours later saying ,”How could you work for him and support him, he’s so mean?!” 

 

Looking back on it after 24 hours, I think it was just an elaborate setup. Justin Perrucci is the same piece of shit I grew up with 20 years ago, and this is what I get for giving him and his crazy bitch of a wife a second chance. You see, they both are recovering addicts with long criminal histories. Here is his mug shot and a link to the article where he got arrested for breaking and entering.  

 here is the article

 He was so stupid that the guy’s apartment he was trying to break into was home at the time… And this is why I didn’t talk to or attempt to make friends with everybody I grew up with and this is why I didn’t talk to you after your loser ass got sent to live with your grandparents in another town. Christ, even the stoner / Goth kids he used to hang out with have mostly changed their life for the better. The only reason why I can’t find Jen’s mug shot and the rest of her arrest record is because I don’t know her first husbands last name or her maiden name. Of course white trash like that has been married multiple times with multiple fathers of her children. She also posts nice things like this supporting Nazis on Twitter. 

 

Jennifer Perrucci‏ @Jenerrucci22 Jun 27

Replying to @jack6162002 @FoxNews @SarahHuckabee

But I would consider a Nazi less open-minded and evil, yet it's still education. Throwing around the word "educated" means nothing.

Also that twitter picture has got to be at least 5 years old because sweetheart you don’t look anything like that anymore. But yeah, Justin got fired from his job for crashing the car all because he was probably drunk and having Lyme disease allegedly. Jesus these people have more excuses then the ex wife does to go to the doctor. But yeah basically they are threatening to have me arrested because I threatened their four children. Let’s get it straight, I said, “Too bad the one didn’t get hit by those cars because it might have taught you a lesson!” And even though the Cheshire Police had no record of them contacting the Cheshire police and the cop told me I can’t be arrested unless I said I was going to go to their house and hurt or kill someone.

This leads me to my second theory of them supposedly contacting their lawyer because of what I said. I think he just wanted his wife to work for me for a while, come up with a bullshit reason to quit and then try to sue me for some easy money. Here’s the problem with that you stupid stupid stupid pieces of white trash, yes I live in Cheshire. Yes my mom makes a decent amount of money to pay people for 24/7 care... BUT I have a huge gambling problem which left me with $20,000 in debt and I have little money and 0 assets in my name purposely so I can get social security benefits, state insurance, and hours to pay my workers during the day through the state. Even if something happens to my mom, my funds and assets go into a trust fund run by my sister, so I can keep my benefits. You see that’s what happens when my accountant mother and I know how to watch out for white trash, crack head scammers, like you two! But hey, supposedly they were getting a divorce before I publicly reunited them with their hatred of me. I think I thought of a new reality show… The Cripple White Trash Marriage Counselor, and with the thought of that I leave you with this… Don’t let yourself rot and decay. Get yourself tested for AIDS so you don’t go away!

Why I love people

Not only do I know several people who voted for Donald Trump today, but I'm starting to understand how this racist, sexist bastard is going to become our next President in a few hours. He appeals to all the delusional white trash that think they'll be rich one day and that he will protect der moneys, guns, property, and keep this here job in 'MERICA! He's filed bankruptcy several times, pays no federal income tax, has shipped several of his companies overseas for cheaper labor, and builds his properties in the United States with products and illegal workers from other countries. But Hillary sent some private emails on a public government server and might take guns away from the mentally ill..... so this guy should DEFINITELY be President, for all the great reasons I listed above. Not to mention he wants to ban Muslims from our country, when his wife is a foreigner who illegally worked in our country. Maybe he grabbed her by the pussy to bring her here. Look, I hate politics, it makes stupid people think they know how to sound smart, and know what they're talking about.... I don't even like Hillary either, I didn't vote for her. I voted for Gary Johnson, but fuck... if any other Republican had been running, I would've broken my mom's heart and probably voted for them.

Now on to my exciting day! This is what happens when I wake up at 9 am instead of noon. Fuck productivity, all it does is make me fight with random assholes and the ex wife. All this stuff happened before noon today except for the last story.

First, the ex wife whom we have decided to remain amicable, for the sake of our cats, especially Flappy.. that poor fat fuck can't handle our divorce. Yeah, I know it's fucked up that she still works for me and totally unhealthy, but I'll always care for her no matter how badly I want to murder her, and I'll always consider her a good friend. Anyway... last night I told her if she wasn't gonna make an effort to turn me and open the garage door for my worker coming to take over for her in the morning, then to just leave when I went to bed at 1 am... I would pay her til 2 am because she lives far from me, and because my mom was home if something happened, and BBM was coming in at 8 am before my mom left for work. But she insisted that she had to stay because Allied, the state run agency that pays my workers during the day, said she can't abandon me... Uhhh, my mom pays out of pocket for the overnight shifts so it doesn't matter what Allied says about that. Plus I'm your boss, if I want you to go home, GO HOME! I'm trying to avoid fighting with you. So this morning when I texted her after she left, that I was only paying her til 2 am, because she really did nothing but sleep after that, she said if I didn't pay her til 8 am, she would call Allied and report me for fraud. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! Allied doesn't pay for the overnight hours, my mom does, so therefore, those hours don't go on your Allied time sheet and they have no say over what time you get paid until if your here at night. I told her if she had a problem with it she could talk to my mom... keep in mind this whole time, if she had just said I'm sorry, I'll try harder to wake up during the night and do what I'm supposed too, I would've dropped it and paid her for the whole shift... but nah the ex wife has to a bitch and make things as difficult and dramatic as possible. So I finally called her out on her bullshit and called Allied myself, and had them put a note in my file with her name on it saying that she had been threatening me and trying to write fraudulent time sheets with hours she didn't work. Why do people try to out asshole the ultimate asshole? She then flipped out and said she quit because I was being childish... hold for laughter...and that lasted about two hours until the next crazy shit went down that had nothing to do with her. she is forgiven now and back to working for me, big fucking surprise. I have the healthiest relationships in my life I swear.

So I pride myself on being really honest in this blog, even if it makes me look like an asshole... So this is going to be a looong story, but heres how it went... There is a girl who worked for me. I used to refer to her as "the mom", because she is a mom... and at first, she worked for me a lot and everything was fine... not really sure what changed. I mean yes I'm a man whore, and she's married, but I'll get to that. Full disclosure, I'm a creepy crippled pervert and I'll take it whenever I can get it... Soo yeah, did I ask the mom to jerk me off the first time? Hell yeah I did! But can I physically make anyone do anything? Hell no I can't! Have I asked other workers... Some who have said yes, some who have randomly never come back, hell yeah. But in my defense, I can't even move my hands to jerk myself off so what the fuck do you want me to do?! I'm a guy! And for the record, plenty of girls have said no, and I want to be crystal clear.. I don't ask everyone.. And the ones that have said no, and the ones I've never even bothered to ask, are still here. Hell, one of them has been here four years. So I can't be that fucking creepy. So now that that's out of the way, and my mom and sister have stabbed their eyeballs out, I asked the mom to jerk me off the first time, and she said yes...Then she said she felt bad for doing it because she was married. So I dropped it, and then one day she came in pissed off at him, and said "if you need me to help you with that, I got you", and if you know the mom, you know thats a saying she always says...Not only that, but as it kept happening she decided to brag to another girl we went to high school with about what she was doing with me.. It was a lot more than jerking off after awhile. But she's the one that decided to brag to her friend about this. Of course her friend didn't believe her because she's married. So one day when the mom and I were doing our thing, she asked if she could send a picture that nobody wants to see to her friend... I give no fucks about anything so I said sure. Picture is still on my phone as proof, the mom has tattoos on her feet so its def her. Fast forward to a few months later and the mom finds out that her husband and the same friend have been sexting and sending inappropriate pictures to each other. Really, your going to get upset when not only have you been hooking up with me, but you openly admitted to all of this that you sent inappropriate photos of yourself to this girls ex boyfriend. Pot meet kettle! For whatever reason, most likely out of spite, the mom decided to tell her husband about her and I hooking up, but of course played it of like someone I made her do it. Um, I can't move my fucking arms and she worked for me for 6 months after that. I don't think she was forced into anything. But believe what you want dude. I'm not married to her, thank god for small favors. However, after that being the control freak that he was, she openly admitted that he hated her working and wouldn't let her if she didn't make more money than him, welcome to 2016 asshole. Whoops there goes that secret! No wonder they support Trump! So I knew it was only a matter of time before she was going to quit. She made some bullshit story up about her mother in law being sick so she had to stay home to take care of the baby. Don't think it was actually true, but she said I'll probably be able to come back to work in September, feel free to ask me to fill in during that time and after even if I don't come back. So, that was in July and occasionally I would ask and either get no response or some random photo or text that had nothing to do with what I asked. She also knows I struggle often to find people to help me so not only did I ask her if she knew anybody that might want to work for me, but I asked all my workers that. After several no responses or unrelated ones I told her if she wanted me to stop asking to just tell me and I would. She sort of did saying she was never going to come back to work but I wasn't asking her to come back on a regular basis, plus I was just asking if she knew anyone who might be interested in working for me. So, last Friday I asked a bunch of people including her if they could drop everything for 3.5 hours at the last minute and I would give them $40 right away. She didn't respond like usual. And I never found someone but whatever I was desperate. Yesterday awkward turtle told me she found a new job and put her two weeks in. So again I was asking current/former workers if they knew anyone would want to work for me because awkward turtle works a lot of hours for me so I have a lot of shifts to cover asap. I asked the mom this last night along with 15 other people and she responded at 11am today... "I've asked before so I will again. Stop texting me asking to work for you or if I know anyone. It's really annoying." Yeah I called her a fake phony cunt and told her no wonder her husband always cheats on her but then I blocked her to stop any further correspondence from now on. I thought it was a dead issue until my phone went off an hour later with this beautiful message from her white trash husband that doesn't even know how to spell her name right. Read for yourself here.  Just like Nathan Fahs did to me in high school all the time. Seriously mother fucker if you ever read this have the balls to tell me where your at so I can pay somebody to kick your ass. Assuming you didn't die in the gutter like some of your friends we went to high school with who overdosed. Cheshire is a rich town but for such a rich town there sure is a lot of white trash who grew up here. Did I mention Nate's mom fucked one of our history teachers in high school? Or maybe it was his best friends mom, either way, classy!

Takes a tough man to threaten a disabled person. And this was my beautiful response.

 Notice how all he could respond back was haha I got you buddy, proof that that is all he can come back with. And really the mom. your such a cry baby bitch that you had to get your husband involved in this. Hell yeah I saved his fucking text like he told me to. And hell yeah I'm putting it on blast in my blog and on social media. I don't care that you saved the text where I called her a cunt. Fuck she's told me you called her that a million times. Its okay for you to say it but not me? She's just like 95% of the fake ass bitches I grew up with in Cheshire. There's a reason why I hate where I live and want to move. I purposely left his phone number in it. His name is Eric Bresnahan if anybody would like to publicly shame, call, or text him and his lovely wife is Michele with one L, because I know how to spell it. Maiden name Garrow. And this is why I will never hire somebody I went to high school with again.

Also got into a facebook message fight with a comedian that I thought was being a douche. I was also being a douche but again I have a problem with people trying to act superior to me mostly because of where I grew up. Fast summary of what happened, he was looking for perform clean comedy routines on his public access show this coming Monday... I offered my services because any exposure is good exposure and he said as long as I kept it clean like no sex jokes or anything. So I wrote challenge accepted, quoting Barney from How I Met Your Mother. Not meaning that he was handing me the job just meaning that I wanted to take the challenge on if he would let me. He then wrote that's not how this works so no thanks. I thought comedians were suppose to have a sense of humor, but maybe he lost it in his giant hair. Again, just a joke, and he just said I'm not going to throw somebody on TV when I don't know if they'll keep it clean, this isn't an open mic night, making it sound like that's all I've ever performed at, because any asshole can perform at those. And yes I have performed at several, some well, some not so well. But I've been asked to perform at the comedy club at Mohegan Sun, the Funny Bone in Manchester, a couple restaurants, and oh yeah Broadway comedy club in New York City, so I'm not some hack comedian with a rubber chicken on my head telling knock knock jokes and yelling "hamburger" (look it up then you'll get it).  Yeah, I said douchey said to him and was a prick to but don't like your better than me and Kevin fucking Hart or something. I've seen you performing at the same show at the Funny Bone that I was asked to perform at. Whatever I'll apologize in a few days because I know he's been around for a few years and is well established and I don't want to be blacklisted from performing in CT even thought I hate this fucking state. I still live here. Sometimes you have to kiss ass and make up even when you don't want to. If your reading this, I really have no hard feelings and I just talk shit in here to make myself feel better, but next time if you want me to provide a video of me doing clean comedy to prove I'm funny that's fine, just don't ask superior about it, unless you actually are Kevin Hart! Yes, myself included, all comedians are sensitive assholes I guess. Hopefully Donald Trump is not president by the time I publish this. Goodnight America!