That's about how I feel about this day today..where to begin? Let's see how about the fact that my mom and sister are currently partying up on a cruise somewhere in the Caribbean while i'm stuck in crappy Cheshire CT. Ya know they get nice weather, great food, endless drinks, pools, water slides, and casinos while I get stuck like a pig for no reason and spend my afternoon at the cemetery seeing where I will be put for the rest of eternity. Because I am fat and eat crap food I have to get my blood drawn every 3 months or so to see how my diabetes is progressing. Well I am going to my doctor next week so I thought I would try to do something productive today and get my blood drawn. Stupid me thought it would work. Apparently they are only allowed to stick me twice and since it was unsuccessful I have to go back again and this time I get to bring my piss in a cup. With my luck knowing the geniuses that work for me they will prob spill the piss all over my van on the way there. That's okay it just adds to the greatness that is Penelope aka crap van. I have to take it in for about 8 thousand repairs. I'm guessing it's going to take about a week to fix if I'm lucky. Yup my family insists it runs fine, even though the lift door always gets stuck, the lift never comes out or folds back in, the heat and air conditioning are on their way out, there are two mini cracks in the windshield that is the latest thing I've noticed, it needs an oil change, and oh yeah it violently shakes with the lift rattling if you drive over 40mph on a good day! But yeah it's all good man..
Speaking of it is all good man let's not forget the brilliance of the wife. Sure I know shes the pretty one and I'm the smart one but she doesn't even know what or where the tab key is on the computer keyboard, still thinks Hitler is alive, and still doesn't know her work schedule for me despite it being the same since January but hey that would require her to know what month, day of the week and hell even year it is. I know that's asking a lot. That's like tomorrow I thought she was coming at 4pm and staying until 8am Friday morning because I have to go cover a baseball game in New Britain at 6:30pm and probably won't be home until 10 or 11pm. But you know what happens when you assume with the wife. She makes an ass out of you and me mostly me. You would think she would want to make my life easier since ya know her job is to assist me but nah she don't care. She on welfare. Okay not really but it's probably headed that way because her working for me is an awful terrible stupid idea. Never shit where you eat. Seriously I am going to have a heart attack by the age of 33, she raises my blood pressure every time she is here. Yeah she will deny that she ever agreed to it and of course conveniently can't remember telling me just last week oh if you ever need someone to come at 4pm and stay until the next morning I'll do it...of course she doesn't remember saying that. But hey this the girl that tries to get out of working the day after I pay her internet and cable bill, and never invites me on her birthday to go anywhere and than wonders why I think she uses me and just pretends to care about me. Maybe one day she will take her head out of her own ass and realize how much I do for her and stop treating me like a dog turd on the bottom of her shoe. But stupid me will forgive her, move on and be like oh I love her so much and then I'll wonder why the same cycle keeps happening in about 2 weeks. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I feel like I am currently living that definition.
Finally. I am probably going to get hand foot and mouth disease from gimpy tomorrow! Why because I can't ask the mom to work every shift for me, I can't ask awkward turtle because she will just stare at me, just kidding she has her internship, can't ask big boobs because god for bid she doesn't spend one long weekend dressed like a whore partying at Coachella. But don't worry next time she does decide to show up to work she will complain that she has no money. Well bitch stop going on so many fucking vacations. Of course hand foot and mouth disease is highly contagious but I don't have a choice because my mom is in a different country, the creepy Canadian is being Catie. Jesus girl has bible study... and I've devoted lots of time to stating how useless the wife is. Yup I am a genius for hiring all of these fuckers. I decided I am hiring the fat Jamaican lady who was working at Quest today she was hilarious and I thought I was hilarious because I was making fun of the wife the whole time. Sure she can't draw my blood and that's her job but who works for me now and does a proper job? At least I'll be entertained and she can predict my future! Yup I am only going to be the only fucking 30 year old to get hand foot and mouth disease who doesn't have a child that I am aware of anyways. I did some crazy things in Vietnam. Seriously gimpy stop touching poop and your mouth and eyes! How the fuck did you even get it? You're 23 and don't have a child either. And when I get it I'm sure my mom will somehow blame me for getting it despite not really having a choice but having to be around gimpy unless my cats team up and learn how to take care of me but I think I am a little to heavy for them to lift. So yeah if you need me my next post will be from the psych ward at Midstate Medical Center
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