Now that I want to eat them, I figured I would say what up world since I haven't written in this beautiful thing in about a week. Did you miss me? I would miss me. I've just been working really hard to get my beach body for the summer. Who wouldn't wanna see this rolling around in a swimsuit on the beach? Hey somehow I won over the wife, yeah still don't understand that one myself. Ya know, I got in trouble this week because she read all the complaining I did about her on here. Yeah, I guess I feel kind of bad. I do love her and care about her but ya know she also drives me nuts to the point where I'll probably end up in the psych ward with a straight jacket on bouncing my wheelchair off the padded walls saying, "there is the wife" as I repeatedly slam my chair off the walls. But hey I'm proud of myself, my lazy ass did a lot this week. I went to the doctor and found out my diabetes is a lot better so I only have to take my pill once a day now instead of twice. So much for my backup career as a Wilford Brimley impersonator saying "I have die-beetuhs!" Pretty sure it's just the pill making it better because I still don't eat that great. I went from getting blackout drunk everyday to just once a week. Just Kidding, or am I? I can't help it I love drinking hand sanitizer, its just so delicious! On Wednesday, I got my lazy ass up and to a New Britain Bees game to cover it at 10:30 in the morning. Amazing, I know. It is one of those bring all the brats from local school games so that's why it was so frieking early in the morning. My favorite part was when the kids would chant "lets go Bees" because it didn't actually sound like that, it sounded like they were chanting "S O Bs" which is much better in my opinion. Then I had to rush out of there to bring my spazz cat to the vet because she had licked her fur so much it looked like she has a mullet on her back or a Mohawk. I'm not really sure, they think she is doing it so much because she has allergies either environmental or food. And she also has Alopecia. Leave it to me to pick that special of a cat but I guess that's what I get for naming her after Miley Cyrus. That's ok, Flappy is even more special, he was fighting with a tree yesterday. I shit you not. He was legit backing up and yelping at a tree. I'm pretty sure the tree won that fight. Sadly, I'm not surprised. And lets not forget the 3rd cat Charles, who runs for the hills every time the doorbell or phone rings. I mean I get it, they're pretty fucking scary, but have I ever had an animal that's not a fruit pie? Nope! Oh, and finally on Thursday I went to the pulmonologist and guess what people? In honor of Prince kicking the bucket, I know longer have to celebrate in a bed like its 1999. That's right, I got a prescription for a new hospital bed. Goodbye 13 year old me memories and hello to new adventures with the wife. How many people just threw up reading that? Even I did a little bit!
I also have to say/be embarrassed to admit that I have enjoyed watching the first season of Fuller House on Netflix. Maybe it's because I'm old now but the new version seems funnier and edgier so it appeals to kids and adults. I'm surprised the girl that plays DJ agreed to it since she is a huge bible humper. Her brother is worse, that turdbucket made it so hard to work with him on Growing Pains that they cancelled the show just to stop having to work with him. That and Tracy Gold stopped eating but I'm pretty sure the kid who played Ben made up for it. If you see him now, he looks like a bloated Dennis the Menace. But anyways, Kirk Cameron is all Jesusy now even though he partied at the Playboy mansion and did mad drugs in his 80s heyday! I even read that he made a movie and some other actress played his wife, but at the end scene when they kiss he made his real life wife stand in for her. That and he had the girl who played his original girlfriend on Growing Pains get fired from the show for being in Playboy even though he partied there before he drank the Kool-Aid. No wonder Boner killed himself! By the way how the fuck did they get away with his best friend on Growing Pains being named Boner? I'm surprised Jesus McBible humper didn't have a problem with that too. Or maybe he did and that's why they want you to think Boner killed himself in the park, but it was secretly the Catholic mafia. I am onto you Kirk Cameron.
By the way, when I kept telling my worker to write Playboy, she kept writing Playbody. Including right now writing this sentence. I know I'm old as you can find porn just by typing a few words these days but.. in my day, you had to work for your porn. And people knew it was playboy not playbody! This is what I'm working with folks.
Finally, I have also been watching the first 2 seasons of Girl Meets World on Netflix. Yes, it originally airs on the Disney channel so it has its cheesy as hell moments, but it's great for this 90s kid who grew up watching the original Boy Meets World. Plus, they have managed to bring back just about every character from the original series for at least a few episodes so it's good to see what they look like now. Also, it is easier than looking them up on google or in People magazine's where are they now to see what ever happened to them. Besides, who reads anymore? Besides this beautiful blog and my great articles that I write for the New Britain Independent. Free shameless plug! Now I'm off to write my third letter to Pamela Smart, her and I are pen pals now, jealous? I bet you are. And if you aren't look it up, or look up who she is and you will be perhaps, if your as crazy as I am. Until next time America... remember when Maury Povich used to be a respected journalist and talk show host?... You are not the father. And yeah I don't remember either!
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