Sometimes I Envy Roadkill

For real though, roadkill gets squashed quickly and then its all over with. If only it were that simple sometimes. So the other day I interviewed someone interesting who wanted to work for me. At first I thought it was someone playing a joke on me because they said they were a cheerleading captain and nursing student in college but somehow were available to help me around 40 hours a week. Then she showed up and I regretted immediately telling her where I lived. First, she asked me how often I shower a week. First of all, I might be handicapped but I'm not okay with smelling like a butthole.  I shower everyday, thank you!  For some reason I don't know why she thought I only shower once a week, did I look and smell that bad? On second thought maybe I did haha. She also asked my eating schedule for some reason. If you're going to work for me why does it matter when I shower or eat? It's going to be a part of your job no matter when you come. Despite telling her I work as a reporter does she still think I'm so dumb that I'm okay with showering weekly and eating dinner at 4pm like a 90 year old?  Yeah, that ain't happening. I should've known she sucked when she said she couldn't work overnights because she loved her sleep too much.  Good luck chick when you get married, have a real job, and have kids.

I'd rather have the creepy guy who lives up the street that has no mailbox, never turns any lights on, and always has tons of trash put out every week take care of me.  But for real this guy exists in my neighborhood.  I very rarely have seen him outside of pulling in and out of his garage in his car but he kind of looks like the homeless guy from the first home alone movie from what I have seen of him. Scary enough, I have been told he is a music teacher so his students are probably in the walls of his house. I did see two cop cars drive by my house about 30 seconds apart today, maybe they finally got that anonymous tip about all the sketchy stuff happening up my street. Either that or he died 3 months ago and his neighbors next door finally noticed the smell or heard his cats eating him. At least I know when I go, if nobody finds me for a while, that my cats will have no problem eating me because they're all a bunch of fat asses!

I watched a creepy movie with Gimpy about a possessed doll named Robert. Apparently there really is a doll named Robert that is haunted that is currently residing in a museum in Key West Florida. As if I wasn't dying enough to visit/live in Florida, now I really want to go. The movie actually wasn't scary at all, in fact it was so lame it was funny. Especially the end when the doll knocks the dad unconscious with a baseball bat and then approaches the mom who just sits there in the corner screaming at it. Um hello, its a doll that's about a foot tall, punt it across your house. Instead, stupid bitch had to wait for her husband to regain consciousness before he threw a knife through its little doll heart and killed it.  I shit you not, but it was all for nothing because the doll had already possessed the son and he stabs the father to death 3 weeks later while the mom just sits at the bottom of the stairs screaming this time.  Good god I hope she died too because she was so fucking annoying! Here's what the real Robert the doll looks like

Finally, I went to go change the top of my electric toothbrush today and this is what I found in the drawer.  This is why the people that work for me drive me insane. First of all, why could no one tell me I was out of replacements? Second of all, why the fuck did somebody put the empty container back in the drawer? Were they just hoping I would never notice, or thinking the toothfairy would magically restock them? Christ on a cracker!