(*Everything written about bitchface is fictional or just my alleged theories and is not based on any person living or dead, just to cover my ass.)
Before I delete it off of my social media, here she is to wreck the day...I think she's stoned in this picture but it's okay because I look it too.
***DISCLAIMER*** THIS PHOTO IS ONE I HAVE TAKEN OFF MY PERSONAL INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT AND THEREFORE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO USE IT IN MY POST. THIS IS NOT ALLEGED BITCHFACE, JUST SOMEONE THAT LOOKS LIKE THE ALLEGED BITCHAFCE CHARACTER I WRITE ABOUT.
Anyways, bitchface strikes again! Hopefully for the last time! Of course she told my mother she never received her final paycheck, which we all know is bullshit, and shouldn't even be sent to you since you made up these alleged hours you "worked", but that's besides the point because my mom is a lot nicer person than I am, and just wants you to GO THE FUCK AWAY. Oh yeah, and stop texting her, because YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE! Don't worry, she stopped payment on the first one so when you go to cash both, which I pray you do because your dumb ass will get arrested for check fraud, you wont be able to cash it. Sucks to suck bitchface, and you suck better than a straw! How many bitchfaces does it take to understand a restraining order?! Didn't they teach you about those in rehab or the psych ward... Apparently not. Or you missed that day in school...wait you never finished school. Typical New Britain trash, could you be anymore of a stereotype?! 22, unemployed puerto rican collecting social security along with both your parents, and foodstamps and welfare while your parents raise your bastard child"younger brother" because they are too religious to admit that you popped a baby out of your slut hole at 15. Too bad, you could've been on that MTV show, you're just as trashy as the rest of those bitches. Fuck, no wonder he is autistic, because you were on drugs the entire time you were pregnant. At least I figured out why you had to drop out of school. Fuck, I should be a police detective, I'm good at this shit.
Back to my original point, bitchface was too dumb too block one of my current workers(one of her former friends)...gee I wonder why they ain't friends anymore... on Facebook, right away, so guess what bitchface, she saw all your statuses about me. Since we're not supposed to be talking about each other on social media, or the internet. But whatever, I am too. So whatever you know where I live, maybe you can send more cops to my house at 4 am, I'm pretty sure I'm protected by the first amendment. Thank you college, something bitchface could only get into if it was Clown or Hamburger U! However, because of this it gave me the satisfaction of knowing that my statuses and blog posts, and pranks are doing a GREAT job at pissing you off! I haven't been that happy in years. Anything to make your life miserable. Also she claims that I'm delusional, psychotic, and so obsessed with her that I can't let it go because I'm madly in love with her. Bitch, you look like Ronald McDonald's daughter... I AM NOT in love with you, maybe when I was 5 and my fat ass had a thing for Ronald McDonald's daughter... but not now. Gimpy told me you were an easy slut, so I know if I threw some dollars at you, literal dollars, you would pretty much do whatever I wanted. And I fucking hate Gimpy too, but she was right! You think every guy that meets you in madly in love with you and brag how 40 guys a day message you on social media, but no that just means they think you're an easy whore, and I mean they are right. But trust me honey, they are not in love with you, they just wanna get their dicks wet. And I'm sure you've satisfied many customers. I mean, she doesn't do it for free. But they best part is, and I know this will burn you when you read it.... No non ghetto, non drug dealing trash is EVER going to want to take your ass home to mom... Fuck, the guy you dated for years was a coke head and he even got sick of your crazy cheating ass. If you can't keep Mr. White Lines, I don't think you're getting any self respecting man to put a ring on it or produce more children with you. Maybe some rich married guy will keep you as a side bitch, but that's the best you can hope for. Looks fade with age to be honest, so by the time your mama's age you'll be pullin' in fake welfare checks just like her... The apple don't fall too far from the tree! You'll probably have 5 kids with 5 different baby daddies, but at least you'll get a bigger welfare check that way! Always a smart plan, especially since that's what your parents encourage. Like Kanye says, "she have one of yo' kids, got you for 18 years". Here's a picture of Kanye making a Bitch face in honor of bitchface.
Before I really do get arrested, this will be my last blog post addressing the bitchface issue (allegedly). I love writing about her, and she is a comedic gift that keeps on giving. But... I ain't goin' to jail for NO bitch. So bitchface, I'll leave you with this: I honestly am not crazy, I'm not obsessed with you, I do not miss you working for me, and I was never madly in love with you, past or present tense. Did I use you to make the ex wife jealous? Absolutely I fucking did. So this is goodbye, I won't miss your crazy ass and I honestly hope you straighten your life out, and wish nothing but the best for you. Shocking I wrote that, I know, but I actually mean it. But I'm assuming you're always going to be the piece of shit you are. So good luck getting high, watching Sausage Party on endless re-runs while you pass out on the couch in your parents section 8 house, while all three of you collect welfare, until Trump deports your ass and takes those sweet welfare checks away! Plus the ex wife and the other traveling circus that works for me give me plenty of good stories to write about, so I don't need to write about you anymore. Adios Puta!
Finally remember awhile back when I wrote about the "original mom's" husband blowing me up with text messages on election day?To leave her alone and stay out of her life, even though she hadnt worked for me in 6 months? Oh and lets not forget the ex wife insists she doesnt even think about me anymore, I am an afterthought to her. Well that's funny guys, cause guess who poked me on Facebook the other day? ORIGINAL MOM!!! And here is the proof! Or in honor of the Oscars... do you like apples?! How do you like DEM APPLES! It's from an Oscar winning movie assholes!
I have nothing against her anymore, and I really dont care that she was stalking my facebook, but tell your husband and the ex wife, your new bestie, that I had NOTHING to do with this poking business. And I did not poke back for the record, nor will I ever. I don't know what you do for a living now, but do not ever become an undercover police officer, because you suck at it. Not everyone can figure out bitchface has a bastard child that they pretend is her little brother, okay one of my workers helped me with that theory, but I really think it's true and I'm taking the credit for it.
Come see me perform at Dangerfield's Comedy Club this Monday in NYC! Tickets are $15 at the door and I'm super proud to be performing there. If you don't know my other shows by now, check out my last blog post. So much for this being short.
(*Just to emphasize again... Everything written about bitchface is fictional or just my alleged theories and is not based on any person living or dead, just to cover my ass.)
No comments:
Post a Comment