I hate politics

As if I didn't hate everyone enough, now I am really starting to hate politicians. Yeah, everybody hates them so I just try not to share my opinion but, I will be bashing both sides in this post. First, there was the sad attack by Isis at the Brussels airport and train station today. Horrible and I feel bad for anyone who lost their life or was injured, and I really don't know if I want to take a train to NYC next week. But anyways, the "presidential candidates" reaction to these attacks is even more priceless! First there is the genius of Donald Trump. Okay American voters this isn't a funny joke anymore. You need to stop voting for him before we have our own version of Hitler in the White house. Otherwise sorry mom, I don't know how yet but I'll be the newest star of the hit play "assassins". Please don't take this seriously secret service but since I know you can spy on all my internet activity from the documentary I watched last night, I cannot kill Trump even if I wanted to cause you know I can't lift my arms to shoot a gun. The worst I can do is hit him with my wheelchair. Anyways his great response to the most recent terror attacks is that we should use waterboarding and other measures of torture to get answers from terrorist suspects and somehow this will stop future terrorist attacks. Ummm....no jackass that's just going to give the terrorists more propaganda and only encourage more of them to plan more frequent attacks. This is the guy that people want running the country? I said it before and I'll say it again, he's a terrible business man, he has filled bankruptcy numerous times, there's rumors that he beat and raped some of his ex-wives, and he legit wants to fuck his daughter. Look it up there are quotes to verify this. And despite all this the brilliant voters of America-uh want a reality TV host to be president. Fuck that, I'm voting for Ryan Seacrest!

Ted Cruz's response was almost as good as dumbass. He thinks that police should start patrolling known Arab neighborhoods in the United States more often. Hello, captain bible humper isn't this verifying that you agree with Trump when you are so desperately trying to make yourself the anti Trump candidate? In that case why don't we just round them all up and put them in camps in the desert like we did with the Japanese in WWII. How did that work out for this country? We still ask the Japanese to serve in our armed forces and gave them some money after the fact to say - we're sorry, our bad.

Don't worry I didn't forget the Democrats. Hillary and Bernie's great response is that we should basically tell Isis it's okay just don't do it again or there will be serious consequences mister. Then the two of them wonder why this keeps happening? Oh I don't know maybe because my parents were more strict with me than you two idiots are with Isis. And last I checked my sister and I weren't posting beheaded videos on the internet. I'm just saying. I'm not done with you Democrats because today I am truly embarrassed to support you guys/girls - don't want to be sexist. What did President Obama do today when he found out about the terrorist attack in Brussels? He stayed in Cuba to watch a baseball game. It's like when W kept reading a children's book in a classroom when he found out about 9-11. Dumbass looked like he was gunna crap his pants because nobody was telling him what to do. I've seen deer have better reactions than that. I'm assuming Obama just phoning it in at this point because he has less than a year left as President and then gets to sit back and make millions on the lecture/book writing circuit. I know this wasn't in the United States but Isis really fucking hates us and if stuff started blowing up here I would like to think that the President is on his way to DC or at least in the air, not watching baseball and eating his peanuts and crackerjacks on the tax payer dime.

Finally there is a great Governor of the shit hole state I live in called Connecticut. I'll admit I voted for this moron twice because I wanted to give him time to fix his mistakes from his first term. Yeah, I won't be voting for you again in two years. Do use a favor and don't embarrass yourself by running! This stupid state already taxes the shit out of everything, and he keeps wanting to add more. We already have huge taxes on gas, the biggest in the country and alcohol must to the dismay of everyone who works for me who has to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon because that's all they can afford. Plus you know there's car taxes, property taxes, income taxes and that's just the one's I can think of. Hell I even think they taxed my mom when my dad died. It cost money to die in this state you know. What you want, to be dead for free? Now that my whole family is going to kill me, hopefully the taxes won't be too much, this is why I thought I wanted to move to North Carolina. That was until I watched a little Netflix documentary called "Finders Keepers".

This was probably the most fucked up thing I ever watched and I watch Human Centipede. Short version of a long story - fat hick redneck, with the beautiful voice of a five pack a day smoker...I'm looking at you wife...buys storage unit at an auction in North Carolina. In said unit is a grill, inside the grill is a human foot, yes not a prosthetic, an actual human foot. I don't even fucking know where to begin with this. First of all, the guy whose foot it was, what was your long term goal with preserving your amputated foot? He lost it in a plane crash that killed his father and said he was saving it to make a memorial to him. Holy hell, that is disturbing. If I loose a limb I'm not preserving it in memorial of anybody! Also, he was pissed because when the coroner from the hospital delivered it to him he thought it would just be the bones left, but oh no that's not how they roll with medical treatment in NC. Instead it was still there toes, toe nails, skin, hair, and bones sticking out. What did pirate Pete do? Instead of hurling in a sink or throwing it away, he preserved it in a tub of embalming fluid like he was roasting a pig. This guy was a crack head - surprise, and an alcoholic surprise, so he got evicted from his house - surprise! The next part is what really confuses me. When his relatives were helping him pack up his belongings they stuck the foot in a grill. The grill was then taken to a storage unit where they only paid for 3 months of rentals before it eventually got auctioned off. Okay what genius in that family thought the best place to put Jethro's foot was in his grill, and on top of that he left it in a storage unit? How drunk and high were you that you forgot where our foot was. But this story only gets better, the sexy beast who bought the unit not only didn't want to give the foot back to pirate Pete but he somehow thought he could make a profit on this. He charged a dollar for kids to look and 3 dollars for adults. He also made a website selling grill foot shirts - I'm not kidding folks. The best part is though he was scamming people, good you deserve to be scammed if you're into this shit! When he called the police to say he found a human foot the cops took the foot to a morgue. Nobody knew that the morgue then gave the foot to the original "owner". A direct quote "if was mine for 42 years, it should be mine now". Yes, Jethro, I agree but why the fuck do you still want it? For the grand finale captain lucky strike decided to sue the leg owner saying it was his property now. These two assholes got on every news and talk show around the world in 2007 for this shit. Finally, the decided to settle it where all classy individuals settle things - a reality TV show called Judge Mathis. Obviously, Judge Mathis gave the leg back to Jethro, but somehow awarded sexy beast $5,000 because that's what he paid for the unit I hope. The fat dick was mad he didn't get to keep the leg and legit was surprised he lost the case. It ended well Jethro got sober thanks to Judge Mathis and fat dick is getting divorced, appeared on some god awful reality TV show called Dukes of Haggle, I've never even heard of that so it must have gotten cancelled fast. Somehow through all this he thinks he is a big deal and famous. In fact, at the end of the movie you find out he is running for president in 2016. Sadly, I might vote for him considering the winners that are running currently.