So last night I officially applied for finical assistance from the state along with food stamps! For those not cool enough to know finical assistance means welfare. Why you ask ..so my mom can't complain as much about all the expenses I occur. Now I can buy my own food and hopefully pay her $500 a month to sleep in my little boy bed from 1999. I am finally asking my Pulmonologist to prescribe me a new one when I see him on the 17th. Mostly though it's so I don't develop a cyst on my ass too from all the nagging. So basically now I am a crippled 30 year old who is unemployed still living with his mom and now hopefully on social security welfare and food stamps! How is that for a trifecta?
In other news I found out the wife's mom is coming to visit on April 2nd. Of course the wife wants me to meet her for the first time. It should not be awkward or anything... it's just like Hey lady i've never met before, I really like screwing your daughter and maybe some day ya know we will get married.. plus yes I am the douche bag she calls you pissed off and crying about half the time... but its great to meet you! Plus i'm socially awkward as fuck.. so if i actually say more than Hi how are you.. it will be a goddamn miracle..
Finally was my great adventure tonight to Nora's cupcakes in Middletown. Good thing the cupcakes are really fucking good so it was worth the train wreck that occurred.. trying to get in and out of the store. First, we made the mistake of parking way to far away. So on the way in my arm kept falling of my controller and than my hand got to cold to drive so my worker had to try and push my chair in. However, my chair weighs ya know around 450 pounds with me in it and there is a slight incline to get into the store. Therefore, I tried to drive myself into the store but the awesome part about my wheelchair is it will not drive if it is out in the cold winter weather too long. So yup it froze right as I was trying to get in the door. Luckily, for some reason it decided to eventually work long enough so I could get inside. After my worker and I purchased what we wanted, she went and moved the van closer. A good thought in theory till my arm decided to play I am still to crippled, cold and tired to drive. I got to the curb cut out and the van was probably five feet from it but for the life of me I could not drive it to the ramp on the van. My worker tried helping me by pushing my chair but it got stuck in a crack in the road. Luckily homeless guy number one came to help us. We than stupidly told him we were all set once I was ready to drive in the van, so he walked away. Sure enough guess what happened when I got half way up the ramp into the van..my chair crapped out again. The other lovely part about my chair is if I get half way up an incline it always rolls backwards first if I stop and start again. Therefore my worker had about as much of a chance of manually pushing me into the van as Jeb Bush did at becoming president. This is when big big ghetto cig smoking homeless man came along to help. Of course at first even with his help my chair did not want to go into the van. Luckily with some persistence and snot running down my workers nose from the fucking freezing temperatures they somehow got me in the van. Cue homeless guy number three. He proceeded to stare creepily at my worker the whole time she was strapping my chair into the van. He than asked if we would need help getting in the house when we got home..well sir even if I did I am not taking you to where I live. Granted at this point I looked mad retarded and my worker had snot stuck to her face but still. Before he finally walked away he asked if we wanted one of his ice creams. Yeah No that was not gonna happen because it was probable laced with LSD, do people still do LSD, I don't know but it looked like he still did! Finally here is my fav music video of all time!Bumble Bee
No comments:
Post a Comment